To Whom This May Concern,
As you well know, my house sits between two cemeteries and on most days everything is just fine and dandy, however if you are planning on spending time here for the duration of your house sitting duties here are some rules to follow;
Rule 1: Always lock the door when you come in. The neighborhood is relatively safe, but you can never be too careful.
Rule 2: Make sure to greet Mittens, the female cat. She is super sociable and loves attention.
Rule 3: Do not go near Socks. He does not like people and will hiss at you. I’ve never seen him bite anyone, but I do not want to take any chances.
Rule 4: Feed the cats wet food at 7:30 AM and dry food at 12-12:30. Once you fill the bowls, quickly exit the room. Socks likes to hide in there, and he may not eat with you there. Also, check to see if their water bowls need cleaning and make sure to give them fresh water. There is a Brita pitcher in the fridge that you can fill the bowls with. Please filter more water if it runs low. Please also make sure to clean the litter boxes once per day.
Rule 5: Perched on the coffee table is a porcelain doll with blonde hair and a blue jacket. (It’s the coffee table that you pass when you head toward the hallway that contains the bedrooms and bathroom. You can’t miss it.) Her name is Yuki. Please make sure to greet Yuki once or twice while you are there. She likes it when you caress her curls while you walk past. If you don’t feel comfortable touching her, just say hello. She likes to be acknowledged.
Rule 6: Should you decide to stay in my room, please be sure to greet the stuffed husky that guards the door. Her name is Lady. She likes it when you boop her nose. Please either say or think boop or la boop as you’re doing it. saying or thinking Sha boop confuses her, don’t ask. I like to boop her nose every time I walk into the room, but you don’t have to. Just make sure to do it every once in a while. Make sure to befriend her. She’ll let you know if something is up.
Rule 7: With the exception of the room with the cat bowls, make sure every door is closed and never stay in opened doorways. If you plan on exiting a room whose door must be closed, quickly exit and shut the door behind you, do not linger. It creates a portal, and things may notice you.
Rule 8: Should you decide to sleep in my room, please make sure to close the door and refer to Rule 6. Lady likes the company and will be happy for a chance to guard someone. Please mind the stuffed animals and treat them with respect. Lady doesn’t like it when they get mistreated.
Rule 9: The bed has a barrier around it, and as long as you stay on it, nothing with harm you. However, should you notice a presence on the bed and something lying next to you. Do not worry. Those are just the cat spirits I adopted. They just like to cuddle. Just say hello and go about your business. It’s their house too.
Rule 10: Do not allow the living cats into my room, I am allergic to them, and it’s the only place in the house where I can escape my allergies. If Mittens slips past you, just shake a bag of treats to lure her out and make sure you give her some. Try to stay out of the rooms as much as possible, so Mittens gets plenty of attention.
Rule 11: If you happen to be staying up late at night and you hear a knock on the door, please don’t answer it. Remain on the bed and either go to sleep or continue on with whatever you are doing. Should the sound persist and you decide to open it, check to see if it is one of the cats. Chances are it is Mittens. Give her attention, firmly close the door, and return to the bed. However, should you open the door and no one is there, quickly shut the door and climb back onto the bed. As I mentioned, there’s a barrier surrounding it, and nothing can touch you while you’re on it. Remain on the bed and do not leave it until morning. If you have to leave the room for any reason before the morning, IE to use the bathroom or grab a snack, be sure to say out loud, “Yuki, I am coming out.” and she will guard you until you get back into the room. However, if you failed to follow rule 5 and need to leave the room before daybreak, good luck.