I got a few texts from him like I usually do.
E: Good mornnniiing! Sleep well?
Me: morning! Yes I did :) How about you?
E: passed out 5 mins after cutting the call with you :D I booked tickets to come see you next month! I’m staying the night, wanna stay with me?
Me: Oh wow! That’s awesome :) I can’t wait to see you! But I don’t think I want to stay with you.
E: I’m only going to be there for one night. Wouldn’t it be better to maximize the time we spend together?
Me: Of course I would love to spend time with you but I don’t want to spend the night.
E: Why not though? We could just cuddle and I’d let you sleep!
Me : You mean, I’d get to sleep in your arms?
E: Of course my love :) I wish I could just wrap my arms around you and kiss your forehead and watch you fall asleep <3
Me: I’m still not sure about it. I have work the next morning…
E: I can drop you on my way out, don’t worry about it :)
Me : Umm okay… Maybe, I need to think about it still..
E: Why? Don’t you trust me?
Me: It’s not like that… I just don’t feel comfortable staying the night… It’s something I’ve never wanted to do with anyone.
E: Even with me? You know I want to marry you right?
Me: Really? I mean yeah, we have spoken about it but I didn’t think you decided on it.
E: I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else :) I just wish we could spend more time together.
Me: :) Maybe we can. I will be spending the day with you anyway.
E: Yeah. I’m sure once you’re with me you won’t want to leave anyway ;)
Me: Oh really? We’ll see about that!
The day of the meeting arrives
We have an amazing day or so I think. We get ice-cream, waffles, have lunch together. I had a headache. I ask him if he always uses this perfume. He says it’s his signature. I say I have a headache and he says it may be because of the various smells in the area. I reach to take a painkiller. He says it’s disgusting that I need to take tab. I ignore it. My head is killing me.
A petite curvy Filipina walks by. He notices and asks me why I’m ogling her. I am taken aback. I said I wasn’t. I get some chocolate on my lips and he points it out. I think it’s so romantic…
He side hugs me forcefully. I don’t stop him. I think I really like this guy. We enter into a store and he takes a seat nearby while I look around. I come back to him and he slaps my thigh and I wimper while jumping out of my seat. He looked surprised and asked me why I jumped out. I told him not to do that again. We walk out and this time he punches my arm. It hurt. I expressed this to him and he said “oh it wasn’t even that hard”. I asked him to please stop.
We went sight seeing and he kept trying to tickle my knees. I asked him to stop and tried to get away whenever he tried this. I asked him how his day was. He said of course he enjoyed the day with me and bumped shoulders with me not very gently. I was pleased but didn’t want him to leave yet. He asks me to leave with him and says he’d drop me back if I felt uncomfortable in any way. We could watch a movie, talk and fall asleep together he said.
In the hotel room
I find myself in his arms. He kisses me and I cuddle up to him, extremely tired. He tells me how nice it feels to have his arms around my waist and is so excited to realize that this is how life will be with me. I am ecstatic to hear all this from him and smile peacefully…
A few minutes later he says my ass is so hot. I’m already half asleep at this point. His hands slowly move up and down the length of my body. And gradually reaches up toward my ample bosom as he nudges closer to me. I can feel his hard on and I jolt awake. He looks sheepish and mentions how he cannot help it because he has hit the jackpot with me.
He kisses me forcefully. I say that I don’t want to have sex. He said we wouldn’t. He tells me to loosen up and trust him. I’m so tired, I love him and I want to trust him.
He does things he shouldn’t. I try to stop him. He says it’s OK since I’m going to be his wife anyway. I belong to him anyway. I don’t know what to do. I feel terrified. I don’t know how to get home. He bites me and I’m in pain. I get slobbered on and I’m pinned down under him. I wince and try to move away. His eyes have glazed over. He looks scary. He doesn’t seem to be the man I was with this morning. He pins my hands above my head and talks about tying me down. I want to cry. He’s so much bigger and stronger. I want to get out unharmed and my body freezes. He finished and after cleaning up is so cold to me. He falls asleep.
the next day
He drops me back and said he looks forward to seeing me again. He’s told his parents about me and they want to meet me. He can’t wait to begin a life with me. I’m perfect he says. He loves me he says, so so much. I want to puke.
I feel gross and start bawling after I get back. I realize that this man used me and I was stupid to think that he had good intentions just because he wanted a future with me. He treated me so badly. All I wanted to do was sleep and yet he… He… How could he?
He didn’t love me. He used me. He got what he wanted and didn’t care about me at all. I was in pain. He was so forceful. I was disgusted with both him and myself but I did nothing wrong.
I began to blame myself for trusting him. For listening to his sweet words. For allowing myself to be swept off of my feet. For entering into a position to let him do this to me.
I wanted to break up. He said I wouldn’t find another like him. That I was making a huge mistake. How could I even think about being with another after I was with him. He wouldn’t allow it. I was having his babies he said. I was his and his alone…