Something happened in my small town, over fifteen years ago, which haunts me to this day.
Not as in a ghost. As a real live person. She -Maddie- is alive, and so are the others. We all live here, in this town, except lucky lucky Beth who moved away. And of course Johnny, who killed himself a couple of years later, unable to stand the memories of what happened.
But the rest of us, from the group of friends who were at that party are here. Our kids go to the same school, we carefully skirt each other in the hallways, we bump into each other at the doctor’s office, where the doctor is actually Tommy’s uncle. Tommy became a doctor like him, they’re one of these doctor families, and he works at the local hospital. He was the attending physician when my Mom passed. Everything is like that here. Our dentist is Samantha, and Matthew is a real estate agent from the big property development family- we bought our house from him.
Maddie herself- she didn’t end up having a career or anything like that, although she does have a couple of kids from different dads, (one of them is actually rumoured to be Johnny’s child but it’s not proven) and they all live with her parents, in a ramshackle old house which she always used to say she hated so much and couldn’t wait to get away from. I used to hang out there a lot after school, it had a funny smell and Maddie used to joke it’s probably from the corpses in the basement, which is actually so ironic. I haven’t set foot in there since that night of course, fifteen years ago.
We still see each other all the time- soccer clubs, and swimming, and birthday parties, and just even doing our weekly shopping. Maddie’s there of course, always, with her big green eyes accusing me, following me around wherever I go, whatever I do. And I know it’s the same for Tommy and Matthew and Samantha. Even though none of us talk about it, ever.
Let me tell you the story straight. Perhaps once I get it off my chest, it will get better and I won’t end up like Johnny.
It started, like any other stupid story, at a stupid teenager party. We were all friends- you know the kind of friends where we all went to the same school and just hung out together all the time. I later realised, just because we spent all our time together, didn’t mean we actually liked each other. So perhaps we weren’t really friends, just stupid young people thrown together all the time. And of course there was a lot of bickering and little jealousies and all that nonsense- I think I was actually dating Tommy at the time, who had just broken up with Maddie, and Maddie was furious with me but we still hung out together because really what else were we supposed to do?
Oh god I’m even lying to myself here, playing it down. I remember perfectly, there is no “I think” about it- I was dating Tommy, and he had cheated on Maddie with me and then broken up with her, and I was so proud of myself and Maddie was really upset but that made it more fun. Yes. I remember the feelings perfectly well. But she had become a bit of a nuisance to be honest- she already had started working on that accusatory green stare- which she has since perfected over the years. And then Matthew had tried to date Maddie- at least he said he had asked her out, but she said he had grabbed her and kissed her when she said she didn’t want to- anyway- you know the stupid shit teenagers say and do- and he said she wished, stupid bitch. And drugs and alcohol- everywhere of course.
Back to the party. It was a graduation party- one of the many unofficial ones. Matthew was hosting, his parents conveniently out of town. It was one of the last get-togethers of the summer, by the next couple of weeks, most of us would have started university or in Matthew’s case, his “gap year” where he traveled around Europe. Maddie and I were going to the same school, she was going to do biology and I was doing sociology. As it turned out, neither of us went. Tommy and Samantha were going into medical science programs, already destined for their careers. They went of course. The whole thing was really about their precious careers, when you think about it.
There were drugs of course- I think, no, I know, it was Johnny and Beth who were pushing them. I didn’t use- I don’t know why, but Maddie loved that stuff and couldn’t get enough. Honestly, I don’t mean to sound victim-blaming and all, but you could kind of see it coming.
It must have been five or six am – no, actually it was 5:47- I remember looking at the clock because I knew the police would ask me- most people had cleared out, and there was only us left. Maddie was lying on the couch. Tommy was pulling my hand, but I was trying to wake Maddie up. Her head lolled back. She was dead. I screamed.
We gathered round her body. I swear I wanted to call the police, but the others talked me down. I swear it was their idea- I’m putting it here in black and white. They were worried about the hassle, and the fall out- and we all had these plans which would go wrong. Beth was crying, begging me. “Please, please, just do it- it’s not our fault, the stupid bitch took too much or whatever but we’re going to be blamed” she kept saying. Tommy’s face was too close me “we’re in this together love. You’ll do this for me, right?” and Matthew and Johnny were standing right behind him, staring at me. Tears were rolling down Johhny’s face- he had a bit of crush on Maddie.
All these stares, all these crushes, all these years.
So, we decided to bury her- Matthew knew the perfect spot, at one of their construction sites close to their house. He said we could cover her and then concrete would be poured over her in a couple of hours- he had been working there over summer and he knew- and noone would ever know- and we lined up our stories- she left the party somewhere around 2am, saying she was going home.
The boys and Samantha carried her corpse to the site Matthew pointed out, among all the construction stuff. Honestly I don’t even know why I tagged along- I might as well have gone home, but Tommy still had hold of my hand.
It looked like a perfect shallow grave had already been dug for her, between a bunch of metal bars and machinery and the boys tossed her in.
Maybe it was the impact or whatever. But just as they were getting ready to cover her, she suddenly drew a long ragged gasping breath, opened her big green eyes, and sat up.
She looked at us, standing above her in a circle over the makeshift grave. She knew instantly what was going on. Johnny gave a short yelp, and then everybody was quiet. The morning birds could be heard, very loud.
Matthew charged as if to attack her and Maddie flinched and automatically lifted an arm to shield her face- but Johnny grabbed his arm.
Maddie stood up, shaking off dirt and gravel from herself.
“I’ll never tell” she said. “Please don’t hurt me. I promise.”
She started walking away, shakily. Matthew gripped her - “No that’s not good enough. All of us, we have to swear. We can’t have this night – just because of your stupidity- ruin the rest of our lives.”
Maddie shrugged. I remember thinking, for someone about to be buried alive by her close friends, she was very calm.
We swore to each other – none of us would breathe a word, ever. To anyone else. Tommy later married me, to make sure, I always think, that I never spoke- I know they think I am the weak link. Samantha and Matthew got together too, although they later separated. They seem fine. We all kept our promise, as far as I know. None of us breathed a word of what happened that morning.
Until now, here, where I am typing it down, posting this for the world to see, before I end up like poor Johnny.