I don’t remember how or why we got on the road. I remember that we’re friends, I remember who I am. I have distant memories of home and a family but they fade further from my mind every day. We’ve been told there is something we can do to get home but we’ve tried everything we can think of and we’ve come up empty handed every single time. We get hungry, we get thirsty, we get tired, we get cramped up. Eventually there’s always a place to rest and eat and drink, hell there’s even people who’ll talk to you and keep you company so long as you don’t ask the wrong questions. Nothing about the road or why you’re on it. Nothing about how they got to where we are or us to them. Nothing about how we never run out of gas. Sometimes it’s only a couple of hours between places to stop, sometimes it’s almost a full day. However long it takes we always stop, you never know how long it’ll be until the next place and it ain’t like we got a ton going on anyway. Some places you don’t stay too long, people want something you have or worse. If they ever stare at the girls too long, we leave right away. No one ever chases you. You never come upon the same place twice. Even if it looks the same there’s different people, different stuff.
We stayed in a town for a whole 2 weeks almost a year ago. 32 people lived in that town and that’s the most people we’ve seen in one place since we got on the road. They made had makeshift weapons and told us anyone with bad intentions is put right back on the road. We used to be 5 and then one of us decided he wanted to stay in that town. Said it made him sick just thinking about getting back in that car and on the road again. Said none of us were going to make it back home anyway, we were chasing a pipe dream. “Hell I’ll make a home here, I ain’t ever getting back in that car with ya’ll. I’m staying here with these people, I hope you will too.” But we didn’t. Two of us that are left are girls. One of them still cries when she allows herself to think of home. I know that when we started on this road I was in love with that girl and that was enough for me to get back in the car when she said she couldn’t stop searching for a way off the road.
Maybe if the two of us had stayed in that town the other two would have stayed with us but they didn’t and we’ll never see our 5th friend again. There aren’t many things to be sure of out here but we were sure of that. Maybe that’s good for him. We missed him sometimes even though one person could lay down in the backseat now. When you see the same 5 people 24 hours a day for however long we’ve been out here one person can make a big difference, leave a big hole. I’m starting to forget what his face looks like, that makes me sad.
The other two had fallen in love on the road. Barely knew each other when we started, now they stare longingly into each other’s eyes when they have the backseat. I heard the boy tell the girl the other night maybe the road isn’t so bad seeing as it brought them and has kept them together. The girl I was once in love with laughed when he said that. It had been a long time since she laughed. That hurt me just a little, I didn’t mind the road so much when she was talking to me or laying her head on my lap in the backseat. I guess I didn’t give her much comfort.
Reason I’m able to write this is we’ve come across another “town.” Gas station right on the highway like the rest of them but just past that station we started to see some houses nestled right into the dessert hillside, hell reminded me of driving into Alamagordo from west Texas. Anytime you see anything of remote normalcy on the road your heart leaps and breaks at the same time. You wonder if you finally made it out of the road, maybe you’re actually headed home, but when you find out you’re not, all the familiarity can break your heart. We pulled up to a diner called “Alice’s” and got out of the car. When we walked in we were greeted with a customary road “hello.” Nobody ever asks how you are, cause they know you aren’t that well, or where you’re coming from cause they already seen it.
We had a nice lunch and later a nice dinner. We got invited to the center of town to meet the others and we laughed and sang and drank and were merry. They told us a similar tale of the last town, they defend themselves when someone doesn’t have good intentions and they’ve been able to build a community. The leader, a tall man with a white mustache said everyone breaks eventually, they always stop. Just a matter of choosing where you stop or not being able to go any longer and getting stuck wherever you are. Said eventually people run out of gas, it just takes a long time.
That was enough for the other two. They told us in the morning that they were going to stay and make the best of where they are. The other girl said she’s forgetting what home looks like and she reckons she’ll forget all together one day and she can be happy here with the other boy. The girl I was in love with sobbed and held her head in her hands. She was mad she could remember home so vividly and the rest of us could not. She was mad the other two were leaving us and asked me if I was staying too. I stayed silent. She said she could still see her home as vivid as ever, she could see her family smiling and her dog playing in the yard and that was enough to keep her on the road.
I said goodbye to other two and they hugged me tightly. They told me I should stay and try to make the best of things. They told me the girl was going to drag me all the way down the road until I ended up stuck, out of gas. I told them I don’t remember much but I remember I used to love her and that was enough. If you read this we’re long gone. Back on the road, back into the dessert hills and canyons that never end. I hope we make it home. I hope you make it home too.