Have you ever though what’s so different between darkness and light? How do they appear on separate ends of comparison specter? Why are those opposed?
Some say that darkness is just the absence of light, or something similar to that, but in my opinion that’s not exactly true. I am posting this, so at least some of you could learn from my grave mistakes. Maybe this will save you or at least keep you sane.
It all started with my master’s thesis in theology. I was in top of my class so the expectations were high and bravely took the challenge, as I was quite confident, and after several consultations with my professors the choice stopped at: “The evolution and diversity of religious beliefs in contemporary cults”.
I’ll skip through the parts where I’ve visited several so-called “brotherhoods” and “sisterships”, even though some of them were really amusing. Like that one, where members praised some random stalactite, as to them - it resembled Christ descending from the skies. But again - all of that is not really important to the story.
Somehow I managed to find the most intriguing one called “The Church of Miraculous Shining of Almighty Lord and His Heavenly Messengers”. I can’t remember how, though. Probably some of my friends showed the leaflet with the Mass invitation, as they were aware of my research.
Anyway, I was there on stated date. These guys were huge - they had their own building in the suburban part of the city, and I’m not talking some rented office structure or something bought straight on the brink of demolition, no. It was a huge white triangular church which resembled either a futuristic dwelling or an alien ship. You know - one of those pretentious construction from the mind of a newfangled designer.
The insides were spacious and heavily illuminated. The house of God made of glass, steel and light panels.
The Mass has started and I examined the clergy attentively - all of them were dressed in white clothes and wore that reverent look on their happy faces, as they were singing pretty common odes to Lord and His wisdom.
Then, finally, the Preacher stepped up and began his routine, saying that he was happy to see so many new faces gathered that day. I’ll spare you the details, the summary of his speeches was that the light is God’s gift and not a single creature walking this soil wouldn’t exist if it was taken away. The sun was the God’s present to humanity, so we could love and prosper and each single source of illumination is an echo of his kindness.
That was… Pretty medieval, if you ask me, but that’s not the point. Pretty soon the donation plates started to ply around, and I must admit - this Church was quite a popular place, considering the amount of the bills piling up on those.
As the Mass was finished and the flock was heading to leave - I went directly to the Preacher, in attempt to get to know their beliefs better. I’ve told him straightaway what was the purpose of my interest and if he would be so kind to share his vision of this church, talk about people who follow them and share some insights on how they organize things around here.
And you know what - to my surprise he was more than happy to talk about it. The preacher introduced himself as Reverend Bartholomew and invited me for a cup of sunflower tea. Yes, exactly. It was the holy flower of sunlight and breaking dawn, so I was served a cup full of hot liquid and sunflower petals. This was getting interesting.
We talked for about 40 minutes, where most of the topics were strictly theological and concerned more of philosophical meaning, rather than practical explanation of cult’s everyday life.
One important thing I should mention: Reverend had quite a remarkable appearance: all of his hair, including eyebrows and eyelashes were of an ash-blonde color, almost white, as if he was an albino. Though his eyes were not even close to a slight shade of red - they were of a pale yellow color. Just as if he had hazel pigment long time before, but with the course of time it just washed away.
The day ended with an invitation for the next Mass, best wishes with my work and requests to spread the word about their church. Reverend said that he has much more to share with me, who’s enlightened with the teaching of God, though not at the time, as he had urgent things to care about.
Yeah, I’ve left that day barely scratching the surface. This looked promising. The cult where people worshiped God’s light rather more than God himself. So I promised myself to follow up on this lead, as at that time - it sounded more like a wild mix of paganism, Christianity and human ignorance.
I’ll fast forward to the end of our next meeting - we talked with Reverend again, and again - he shared some of his beliefs and ideas, though this time we slightly touched the topic of holy rituals and holidays. He seemed excited as he explained, that soon the Day of Divine Illumination would be celebrated. This was their most important day of the year, and surprisingly - he invited me to participate, without blinking an eye. Yet again my theological education opened the doors I never knew existed.
This was a huge success for me - observing cult rituals from the front row. Sounded like a perfect material. Summing it up with all the bits I’ve gathered through our improvised interviews - I was almost done with material for my grand example section.
So the great day has come and I was there - wearing all white, as instructed (otherwise, they wouldn’t let me in) waiting for Reverend to show up. To tell the truth - I was expecting some theatrical action, some costumes and lots of illumination, maybe. But that was not it.
Bartholomew showed up, finally. He greeted me and asked to follow him, speaking on how important this day was to all of them and that I’m about to experience something, that might give me True Faith.
We walked through the whole building and up to a staircase leading to basement.
If, at this point, you are thinking of human sacrifices and/or a monster with light bulbs in place of its eyes - please don’t. The reality was much much worse, but I am getting there.
We stopped in front of the heavy double doors and Reverend stared me in the eye, trying to reach me in his preach:
“What you’re about to experience is the Gift. I want you to accept it. I want you to enjoy it. I’m not asking you to believe, but to feel it and make your own conclusions. Light is the source of life. Light of His Grace is the way He speaks to his children. If you open your eyes and your soul to the Lord - you may see the Divine. His Angels surround us, protecting us, supporting us. If you are a true believer - you can see them dancing with the first beams of sunlight hitting the ground, you can see them resting in the light of the campfire in the night, you can see them watching through the headlights, lamps and even in Auroras. Behold and praise His creation!”
And then we walked through the doors.
I’ve ended up in a large cylindrical room full of people, both men and women, dressed in white. What amused me the most - each single inch of the surfaces inside was covered in halogen lamps, covered with thick transparent glass, even the floor and the ceiling. As of now - just a few were on, so we were standing in a dim lit space, just enough to see around.
As the door closed behind us - Reverend started his speech:
“Brothers and Sisters, as you know - only the True Believers are allowed to attend. Though today, we have a special guest, who will help to spread the word of our teaching and our ideals.”
Suddenly all the people in the roomed slightly nodded their heads, as giving me a bow. I returned the motion.
“Today is a blessed day, as today God gifted me with his Light, many years ago. He sent his loyal servants to tell me of his will…” - he continued, and that sounded exactly like you think it does - typical cult leader story.
“…as the Holy Book says - There was nothing, and the Lord said: ”Let there be Light“. Rejoice! Rejoice! Rejoice!” - the speech went to culminating point.
Next thing - each of the lamps turned on - with minimum power at first, gaining in intensity each single second. Light was everywhere and soon enough it became hard to see. Surprisingly - this approach to staring at pure illumination was not as bad as you could imagine. I expected tears bursting out and severe pain of eyes exposed to such intensity, but it was okay. Just as if I was standing in complete darkness, except it was not black, but white.
“Don’t close your eyes! Witness! If you’re a true God’s servant - his Seraphims will appear in front of you!” - the voice of Reverend proclaimed.
This was… an interesting experience. It gave a certain explanation of why Reverend’s eyes had that strange color. I think he had been doing this for years and years. At some point I started to worry, that these procedures could actually backfire on my eyesight, but that thought sank quickly…
Absolutely unexpectedly something moved in the corner of my blinded sight - a form, or a figure…I don’t know how to explain this properly. Imagine yourself in a completely white room and everything around you is white, so you can’t differ left from right and up from down. And then imagine something that would be next grade of white - same color, but brighter, maybe?
Slowly this mysterious shape aligned with my vision and swear - I could differentiate the arms, the legs, the huge wings behind it and a head, wearing a wreath or a crown of some sort. I couldn’t believe myself. Was this real or just a daydream? Hallucination, maybe? The contours shaped to be more clear and I’ve squinted in attempt to see better.
A sudden scream resonated from the walls and I got curious to whom it might belong, but as half a second passed and my brain synced with my body - I realized it was my own. My consciousness processed the image before my eyes and I finally understood what I was looking at.
It was no angel. It was no God’s servant. It didn’t belong to this world. What I thought looked like a wreath was a bunch of worm-like outgrowths, entwined together, moving chaotically on a crude eyeless head. The wings appeared to be made of meaty sacks contracting and expanding randomly. Its limbs were tails and its body was a slit, hiding dozens of swarming suckers. And it was not alone. I saw the white nothingness tearing apart here and there, ejecting light brighter than the Sun itself with those creatures following through.
That was too much to take. My heart started skipping beats being full of primal fear. I remember closing my eyes and heading back, where I expected the door to be. It didn’t help much, as even when my eyelids touched - all I had before me was a vast white ocean of nothingness. Somehow I managed to get out of the room, collapsing to the ground, overwhelmed with my visions and emotions.
Reverend, who sounded concerned (I really couldn’t see his face) was kind enough to call an ambulance and take care of all the following expenses.
Couple of months has passed since my “rebirth”, if I may say so. I’m typing this blindfolded, guided by built-in audio assistant. I’ve never finished my research papers. I just want to prevent you from making my mistakes. Do you remember how your parents always told you not to look at the light directly, as it would hurt you? That is a thought way deeper than you think.
No, I didn’t lose my sight. I’m blindfolded by my own will. It’s better this way that the other. I’ve discovered that they learned about me and they are seeking for the contact. I don’t know what their intentions are, but I do not think of anything good.
I you ask me - I think they are just the messengers that were attracted by the fools, practicing their strange beliefs. Each time I see a source of light - I can feel how the matter is ripping, how their tails are tearing it even further, unless I stop looking.
Nobody looks straight at the sun, as it hurts us. But did you think about stars? What if those tiny dots of light are peepholes? What if making a wish on a falling star is just another step for humanity towards its own extinction?
Ignore it, as those are just my thoughts and I hope I’m just a fool. But what I do know is: I’ve seen the “servants” and don’t want to meet the creator.