what should I do
Well here we go. I have no one else to tell this too and I can’t sleep because I’m so torn on what to do. I 15f have a horse and well call him A. Since the first day I got A he was not the horse I wanted and I got talked into buying him. Don’t get me wrong I was thrilled to have a horse but I was and still am quite heart broken over my last horse. Unfortunately this has put a kink in my relationship with A. I love A and am so great full I have him but I’m not so sure he’s happy anymore. We have been having a lot of issues when it comes to me riding him now and it’s only getting worse. I think what he wants( to have a consistent schedule and go back to being more of a show horse) is not something I can give him due to mental health and financial issues. I really only want what’s best for him but I feel like it will just break my heart again to see him go and try to have to build a bond with another horse. ( also because it would be my decision to see him go I feel like people will be annoyed at me if I’m sad about him leaving)At the same time part of me want to keep him cause what if I do want to go back to that schedule of riding every day and competing all the time but mentally right now that would be very hard to do as I suffer from sever depression and Just getting out of bed is hard some days. I love him and we’ve had some very sweet moments but I feel like I might have just been doing them for the photos now and less because I actually loved it. This last part is quite selfish of me but my horse A currently is quite talented and can jump quite big. Which I love the idea that I have as horse that can do that with and move up the levels but honestly I have no interest in jumping that big anymore as I’ve had some pretty bad falls and it scares me. I think I know that the right thing to do is to sell him. I have been talking about ur selling him for a while and but I just really decided yesterday. Anyway I want to make sure I’m not acting on emotions and that I’m actually doing the right thing here. So what do you guy think should I keep him and try to go see him more or should I let him go and look for the horse I wanted all along. Oh also I forgot to mention that because of financial issues I won’t be able to get another horse till after I sell A which means I will be without a horse for a while and with my mental health already being not so great I’m worry that I will do other things to fill my time while I look for one. And well I don’t trust myself to pick things that would be good for me but instead just push me further down the wrong path. So I really need y’all’s help am I doing the right thing but moving on or should I try to repair the relationship.