Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7
I was born into a scenario that I’m sure you’ve heard before. A careless dad knocks up his wife and blames her for it, and in the process also ends up blaming the kid for existing in the first place. That’s the scenario that I was born into. Benjamin, Benny if you don’t mind. My dad wasn’t the best person to be around sober, much less drunk. And my mom was more than ready to make excuses for him. He was doing this because I deserved it or only did these things to me because he loved me.
One night Dad came home exceptionally angry and drunk. He’d just been fired from another one of his short-term jobs and was drowning his sorrows away in the only way he knew how with cheap beer and taking his anger out on me. At this point I was 12 years old and a wreck from constant verbal and physical abuse from my dad. I hardly said a word to anyone for fear of some sort of retaliation that my dad would be sure to give me for daring to speak out of line. So I figured why bother to speak at all? Well, that wasn’t a very good solution either, since not answering my dad would lead to a beating as well. A lose-lose scenario.
After I had gotten a good thrashing from my dad and was left a crying mess on the floor, bruised and shivering, my mom quickly came over and pulled me into her embrace. She patted my head and rocked me back and forth in an attempt to stop me from crying. Though I don’t think she was trying to comfort me. She was just trying to shut up my cries so I wouldn’t further upset my dad.
“He’s just been having such a hard time holding down a job,” she told me, patting the side of my cheek that wasn’t bruised from my dad’s slaps. “You have to understand, Benny. He does all of this for us,” she told me. I looked up at her and saw her fake smile. The one she put on to try and reassure me. And herself. At that moment in a fit of fear, anger, and disgust I shoved my mom away and ran to the door.
She called out to me and I could hear my dad barking at me but I didn’t even bother to turn around. I sprinted as fast as possible into the woods surrounding our house. Without so much as a glance back, I ran into the thick branches and bushes of the woods and just kept running until I felt like my lungs would pop from exertion. Falling to the floor against a dead tree, I curled up into a ball and began to cry silently to myself.
This wasn’t a planned thing, it was the middle of autumn and I hadn’t thought to bring a jacket or hoodie. In the distance, I could hear my dad and mom shouting for me but their voices were far away and almost like echoes from a canyon. So I simply stood up and kept walking, hugging myself to try and keep warm and hiccup crying as I carried on deeper into the woods, sniffling and crying all the way.
I must have wandered for an hour or so, the sounds of my parents long gone by then. I was sitting next to the creek that cut through the forest and passed the time by tossing pebbles into it. Watching the ripples that were created and the occasional small fish that swam by to inspect. Curled up in a ball I thought about what I could do next. Go back home and endure these beatings until the day my dad finally snapped and killed me? Tell the police and end up in foster care? None of these were good options, so I was just stuck there next to the creak.
My endless thinking was interrupted by the snapping of branches on the other side of the creak. Looking up quickly and reaching for a nearby stick to protect myself, I was confused to see the silhouette of a dog staring back at me. At first, I thought it was a shadow of a dog, but then I realized the dog itself was completely pitch black. It stared back at me with bright red eyes. It was like every cartoon scenario had come true in my head and I was completely taken aback by it.
It didn’t make any other moves for a bit before it suddenly started walking down the creek. I watched it for a moment as it started walking slowly down the direction in which the creek flowed. I watched it for a moment before standing up and following it. Something deep within me was telling me, ‘Follow it’. It wasn’t a command like my dad would give me. It was more like a suggestion, one that I decided to follow.
We both walked parallel to each other down the creek for a while. Each of us aware of the other but not acknowledging each other. As the sun began to set, we came across a fallen tree that acted as a bridge to access either side of the creek. We stopped and each looked over at the other. Each of us wondered who would cross. I looked back behind me toward the direction of where my house was. It took me only a few seconds to decide to cross the fallen tree and follow this strange dog.
Having crossed the log without much issue, I carefully lowered my hand to the dog so he could sniff me, but he didn’t bother. He simply turned around and started walking towards the treeline behind him. Taking a deep breath, I followed after him fully intending on seeing where this would take me. As the sun dipped lower in the sky and the wind began to pick up, I shivered as my lack of clothing began to catch up with me. But the dog continued on his way and I had no other option but to follow him and hope that we would arrive at our destination soon.
As the sun had nearly set completely, we suddenly came upon a clearing, and to my absolute shock and wonderment, there in this clearing in the middle of the woods, was a giant circus tent. The lights were bright and shining and most importantly for me at that moment, warm. Before I could process the fact that a whole circus had somehow spawned in the middle of the woods, the dog suddenly took off running towards the tent, letting out a strange bark as it did so. It soon disappeared into the tent and I was left with a new dilemma; freeze out here, or risk being taken back to my parents and enter the warm-looking tent. Warmth won out in the end.
Taking careful steps, I dared to enter the tent and was immediately vindicated in my decision as I was greeted by warmth and the bright lights and colors of the massive tent. It was laid out like a normal circus, with a bunch of seats surrounding an arena. I was amazed, having only ever seen a circus on TV it was like a dream come true to see one in person. I was about to take my seat when I noticed the dog quickly running across the seats and towards the other side of the tent.
Getting up quickly, I followed after him. Since I was sure we were both trespassing. I just wanted to get warm and hopefully stay in the tent until the sun came up. The dog quickly ducked through another doorway and disappeared down a corridor that connected to another tent that connected to the main big top. I followed him as best I could, wondering where all the workers were. I didn’t have to wonder long.
I soon was met with the ringmaster. He had his back to me and looking down at the dog. The dog sat on the floor looking up at the ringmaster, he then looked over to me and licked his nose. The ringmaster spun on his heels to face me and I was met with the most confusing assortment of colors I’d ever been exposed to.
His hair was long and white but with black tips at the bottom in various places. He had piercings all across his ears and one in his nose. His eyes were like an explosion of colors. Green and yellows mixed in an almost hypnotic spiral. A large scar cut diagonally across his entire face and several other smaller ones dotted the visible parts of his skin. And his uniform was some of the prettiest clothes I’d ever seen anyone wear before.
“Well hello!” he suddenly shouted excitedly, stepping closer to me. I instinctively backed up, afraid that any large adult no doubt meant some sort of harm to me. But he held up both his hands to show that he didn’t mean to harm me. “What brings you out here?” he asked with a smile. He had a hoarse voice with a slight hint of an Italian accent.
“I-I-” I stammered, and realized it had been so long since I’d ever actually talked to someone before. It took me a moment to figure out how words worked and functioned in my head.
“You, you?” the man asked, the smile still plastered on his face as he stared at me, waiting for an answer. I looked over at the dog and realized that it had disappeared.
“I…ran away from home. And a dog led me here.” That was certainly a condensed version of what had happened. But if the man felt any sorrow for me he certainly didn’t let that show on his face. Because if anything he looked thrilled.
“Great! That’s incredible!” he told me, giggling and cackling to himself. “You can join my freakshow!” He told me, the happiness on his face apparent. I stared at him dumbfounded. Shouldn’t he have called the police, or tried to get more information out of me?
“F-freakshow? I thought this was a circus.” I said, looking around at the tent that surrounded us. He looked around with me and gave me a shrug and a hoarse snicker.
“I guess it does kinda look like one. But I can assure you, my freakshow is way better than a lousy circus!” He told me with excitement, it was almost infectious how happy and excited he was getting by just my being there.
“Why do you want me to join? I-I’m not a freak.” I told him, getting a loud howl of laughter from the strange ringmaster as he held his stomach and bent over from his laughing. It was almost a little scary just how much he seemed to be enjoying this.
“Oh come on, we all have a freaky side, kid.” He told me with a wink. “Common, I’m sure you’ll be much happier here than at home with your parents. I mean, there’s a reason why you ran away isn’t there? There always is,” he said with another loud cackle. I swallowed a lump that had formed in my throat. How had this stranger known the reason I had run away? It freaked me out to no end and I hugged myself tightly.
He had a point. But this was a stranger with a circus/freakshow in the middle of the woods, offering me a job and a place to live. Even at 12 years old I could smell that something was amiss.
“I dunno…” I told him, taking a few steps back. His smile dipped ever so slightly. And something about that made me feel even more unsafe. The loud croaking of a raven broke the tension between us. One fluttered from the ceiling above us and came flapping down, landing right on my shoulder and croaking at the ringmaster.
“Really.” He told it, looking over at me with a new sense of understanding. “This could be your new home, y’know.” He told me, getting down on his knee so we could meet eye to eye with each other. “I know how hard it can be with a deadbeat father. But here, we can take much better care of you than anywhere else in the world.” He told me, putting his hand on my shoulder and offering me a more caring smile.
Looking at the raven that had landed on my shoulder I was surprised to see the same red eyes that the dog possessed on it. It leaned against my head and fluffed its feathers up ever so slightly. I looked back at the ringmaster who again offered me a smile.
“Can I, meet the performers first?” I asked him, worried that they were some kind of gruesome horrible creatures. And if that was going to be the case it was going to be a choice between strange new monsters here or the same horrible monster I knew back at home. The ringmaster’s eyes lit up even brighter and he quickly shot up to his feet in excitement.
“Of course! Unfortunately, only a couple of them are here at the moment. The others are still in Europe I’m afraid. We don’t normally come to the U.S. so getting everyone here is always a headache!” he said with another snicker before turning around to start leading me down the hall.
“I-I’m Benny by the way,” I told him as I followed after him. That stopped him in his tracks as he looked down at me. I stopped next to him and looked up at him. I barely reached his stomach with my height and it was a pain to look up at him.
“Where are my manners?!” he shouted, slapping his forehead and quickly taking the green striped top hat he was wearing off. Backing up a bit he did a very dramatic bow with his hand outstretched to his side and his other one holding his hat to his chest. “I am Antonio Garibaldi! And welcome to my freakshow, Benny my boy.” That last sentence got a real big laugh out of him and he patted me on the back and practically skipped down the hallway towards the other tent. “But please, just call me Tony for now.” He told me as I followed after him.
Looking over at the raven on my shoulder I offered it a small nervous smile. I used my finger to give its head a small scratch as I followed after Tony. The raven made a few small croaks as I did so, which I took to mean that it was enjoying what I was doing. Tony lifted the tent’s flap for me and as I stepped into the warm light of the second tent I was suddenly almost hit with a flying knife that came flying towards me and embedded itself in one of the wooden posts that held the tent up.
“Fucking hell, boss. A little warning would’ve been nice. If I had known you were bringing a stranger I would’ve thrown a few more.” A strong Russian accent greeted me after I had gotten done having a mini heart attack from what I was sure was a near-death experience. If I was scared of what had just happened to me, then seeing the person who had almost just killed me sent me a further shock. The person who had thrown the knife that had almost ended my life was a tall heavily scarred man with messy black hair. His mouth had snake bite piercings and his mouth was contorted into a pissed-off scowl.
My little 12-year-old eyes wandered down to the metallic left leg that he possessed. If it was a rude thing to do to him then what would you have called him throwing a knife at me?
“Benny,” Tony’s chipper voice broke my disrespectful gaze and I did my best to act like he didn’t have a prosthetic leg at all. “Meet Nikolai Dimitriovich! My lovely Russian knifethrower. Don’t mind his attitude, it doesn’t get any better the more you get to know him,” Tony said with a chuckle as he grabbed the knife from the post and tossed it back over to Nikolai. He grabbed it without so much as a glance towards the object and returned the favor to Tony with a middle finger.
“Did you bring us a new friend?!” Excited giggling suddenly sprung up from behind us. Turning to the source of the giggling I was shocked to see a clown strapped to a revolving wheel. The kind that a knife thrower uses for target practice. And sure enough, the clown’s entire silhouette was outlined neatly with a row of knives.
“I sure have, Santiago! Nikolai go ahead and untie him so he can meet our newest attraction!” Tony said with excitement that seemed to surpass even the clown’s own. Nikolai tsked in annoyance and walked over to the spinning wheel. I watched him walk on the metal prosthetic and was amazed to see that it didn’t hamper his ability to walk at all. It was like it was and always had been his leg.
Nikolai quickly pulled Santiago off the wheel and started pulling all his knives from the wheel. Now down from the wheel, Santiago eagerly walked towards me. As he did I saw that his feet were constantly pointed toe to toe with each other. Latter learning of course that he had been born with a pigeon toe walk.
His clown outfit was frilly and fluffy. With a mixture of green and orange. His face wasn’t completely painted, only his cheeks and nose, with a stripe of white going down over his eyes. Finally reaching me with his awkward walk he eagerly threw his arms around me and hugged me, surprising the raven and sending him fluttering off my shoulder.
“What’s your name? Where do you come from? Have you ever been to the circus? Are you joining us? What about your talent? What can ya do?” He was asking me a million questions at well over a million miles a second. Each question was interrupted with a laugh or giggle. Soon he’d asked me so much that my head hurt trying to keep up with them all.
“What’s all this noise about?” A soft voice asked all of us. I looked over Santiago as he continued to bombard me with questions and laughs and watched as someone climbed down from the middle wooden posts that held up a practice tightrope. I was surprised to see a rather chubby woman climbing down to join the chaos that was going on. She had dark tan skin like Santiago had but hers was broken up by splotty patches of light skin. A condition I would eventually learn was called vitiligo.
“Abigail! Just the perfect person to look over our new arrival!” Tony said with a smile as he shoved Santiago away with a push of his face and pushed me forward like I was a little lost puppy he had gotten her for Christmas. Her eyes positively lit up when she saw me and she quickly came closer to me.
“Hello, my child,” She said in a tone that simply radiated the words motherly. My mom had a similar tone but I could tell that she was forcing it. She was simply trying to keep herself and me together in any way she could. But coming from Abigail it just seemed natural and correct. It was caring and inviting. “Are you going to be staying here with us?” she asked me with a soft and loving smile. Even with her clown makeup on it still shone through just how caring she was.
“Bring in another street rat, boss?” a Scottish accent asked. I turned my gaze over to the source and let out a surprised and horrified gasp as I backed up into Abigail. Walking their way over toward the group that had assembled to greet me, I was completely terrified to see a two-headed person coming over toward us.
“Ah! And last but certainly not least! The twins! Edgar and Allan,” Tony said with a smile and a nod as he came over to Abigail and me. “They truly are a sight to see, but I can assure you they mean you no harm. If anything Allan probably thinks you’ll be the one to hurt him.” Tony and Santiago snickered together as they gave each other a high-five.
The left head looked over to the side to avoid my gaze and I took it to mean that he was Allan. Both him and his other head, Edgar possessed no pupils that I could see in their eyes. Edgar squinted his bright white eyes in annoyance and looked over to his brother.
“Common, say hello to him. He’s going to be staying here so you’re going to have to get used to him.” He ordered his other head. Allan looked at him and then over to me and offered a half-hearted wave and a barely audible hello.
“They’re conjoined twins, and one of my favorite attractions here,” Tony said with excited glee and he turned his attention over to me. “So, you’ve met some of my troop. What do ya think, Benny? Wanna join my Freakshow?” he asked with a smile, his brightly colored eyes staring into my soul as he waited for an answer.
I twiddled with my hands as I stared at Tony and then at all the members gathered around me. Nikolai and Santiago were busy chatting with each other. Despite how scary he looked, Nikolai seemed perfectly content being around Santiago. The clown giggled and waved his oversized sleeves around his head as he spoke to Nikolai. Looking over at Abigail she offered me another one of her caring smiles, and I returned one to her. I then looked over at the twins and did my best to get over the uncanny nature of them.
“W-what would I even do here?” I asked Tony. The fact that I didn’t exactly have a talent I could use was a glaring issue. Tony grabbed his chin and let out a few ‘hmms’ as he seemed to be trying to come up with something I could do. As if to answer him the raven flew down to me and rested on my head.
“How about animal tamer?” he said as a smile crept up onto his face. I was a bit confused mostly for the fact that I had never even owned a pet before much less anything like a lion or tiger. But suddenly I felt the bird on my head become a lot heavier and felt something cold slither down onto my shoulder. Looking over I was surprised to suddenly see a large black snake coiling around my neck.
“It seems boss’s little shadow friend has taken a liking to him,” Nikolai said with an amused grin on his face, Santiago looking over and pointing at me with a great big smile on his face. I looked over at the snake. The same red eyes that the dog and raven possessed. So this thing had been those two. It was some sort of shapeshifter.
“Wait, don’t we already have an animal tamer?” Abigail asked. All eyes turned to Tony and he gave a simple shrug.
“I’m sure I can talk to Ezekiel about this. He has been talking about wanting to leave after all. Hasn’t he?” Tony asked his members. All of them looked away from him and awkwardly nodded. “Now then, Benny. I’ll ask you again. Would you like to join my Freakshow?” he asked me, his eyes again staring into my soul.
I looked at the snake and gave it the same head scratch that I had given it when it had been a raven. This place while certainly worthy of being called a Freakshow was still more inviting to me than the prospect of returning home. When I ran away I didn’t have any sort of plan I just ran as far as I could. And here was this opportunity to start a new life.
“Yes,” I told Tony. His smile grew so wide I thought he was going to scream with excitement. He did the next best thing and threw his arms around me and gave me a giant hug. He passed me along to Abigail as she excitedly came up and wanted to hug me next. Even Santiago joined in and wrapped his giant oversized sleeves over me. Nikolai and the twins couldn’t care less about me though, which was fair.
Tony showed me where I would be staying for the night. A bunk bed in one of the spare tent rooms he had in the living quarters tent. He promised me that he would soon have a proper room for me and a costume for me to wear. Abigail and Santiago came to my temporary room to wish me good night and to tell me just how excited they were to have me there. I couldn’t sleep though, who could after suddenly deciding to run off and join a circus?
I sat up in the dark room and held my new snake friend in my hands as he slithered around between my fingers. I smiled and watched as he changed sizes from a small little snake to a much bigger one. My mind went wild with the kinds of animals he could turn himself into. I thought that this place could be my new home, and I could grow up to be an amazing performer.
Sometime in the middle of the night someone tried opening the tent flap across the room from mine and couldn’t get it to open. I sat up in bed after another failed attempt to try and get some sleep and tried to tune my ears to try and see if I could hear anything outside my room.
“Ezikial! I was just looking for you!” Tony’s chipper voice suddenly rang out in the hallway. I stood up from my bed and tiptoed over to the door to get a clear listen.
“What’s the matter, sir? Why is my tent locked?” a stranger’s voice asked Tony. This was probably the current animal tamer. Tony’s chuckles were loud and easy to hear from where I was and he was pretty close to my door.
“Well, it seems I found a replacement for you, Zeke. You have been saying how you’ve been wanting to leave the freakshow for a while now haven’t you?” he asked Ezekiel. There was a long pause where I couldn’t hear anything from the two of them.
“W-what do you mean, sir? Y-you know I love it here.” Ezekiel was trying to reassure his boss that he indeed wanted to stay at the freakshow.
“Aw, Zeke. You shouldn’t lie to me. We both know you’ve been telling the other members how badly you wanna get out of here. So why not, just take an extended break from the show? I’ve already got a replacement lined up for you,” Tony said and I felt a chill run up my spine. I was that replacement.
“P-please sir, I just-” Ezekiel was cut off before he could even say anything by Tony chuckling at him. But as his laugh continued his already hoarse voice began to become more otherworldly. And I could hear some kind of cracking and snapping coming from the hall. Then all of a sudden a sudden rush of noise, the sound of someone running away.
“Don’t run Zeke! You’ll only tire yourself out!” Tony cackled as his strange new voice seemed to chase after the running footsteps. In complete terror over what I had just heard I ran back to my bed dove headfirst into the blankets and pulled them over my head. Still having that sense that if I covered myself completely in blankets no outside force could harm me.
The next day I was awoken by Santiago jumping on my bed in excitement about the fact that breakfast was being served in the main tent. I told him thank you and watched as he slowly waddled his way out of my room and down the hall. As I stood up from bed and rubbed my eyes trying to get the tired out of them I bumped right into Tony as he waited for me at the door.
“Great news, Benny! Looks like you’ll be our new animal tamer!” he said with a happy smile. I stared up at him and remembered everything that I had heard last night.
“T-that’s great, sir. But what about Ezekiel?” I asked him. And he gave me a giggle and tussled my hair with his hand.
“Don’t worry about it. I took care of him. Now come on, we’re a family here. And we eat all of our meals together,” he told me. A smile on his face and I couldn’t help but notice that the scar across his face was leaking some blood. I nodded cautiously and followed him as he led me to the main tent.
I’ve thought back to that night so many times. And I wish I had taken the chance and said no to Tony. Maybe all the horrors would never have happened. Maybe I could’ve just left the night I heard him in that hallway and never gone back. But I didn’t. I stayed. And that mistake will haunt me for the rest of my life.