In 2005, a little bit before I was going to turn seven that year, I had dreams of my mother passing. I didn’t realize it at the time but my fear was quite real.
Based off my beliefs I’m a christian, but I think the only reason I truly claim myself to be that is because I do believe in the paranormal. I do believe that we have spirits and we are more than just our bodies. Though right now I am struggling with an existential crisis. But I thought I would share this with anyone else going through something similar, because this story for some reason always keeps me grounded. And this is real. I haven’t made this up to solidify my faith. For many years before I became a Christian I was agnostic. But with that I also don’t know if maybe my dreams were just somehow my intuition telling me that something was going to happen. But the series events was just so close together I don’t think it was. I think it was more.
During a certain time that year, I had three dreams. The first night I had a dream that my mom and my supposed Father figure were in the car with me. They were laughing about something and I told them to shut up. They mocked me for saying it and then they went inside the grocery store that we were parked at. That is probably one of the weirdest ones I have had.
The second night was my second dream, and I jumped at my mom and I were in a mall together that was pure white. Except as we were walking along, a couple of cops came along and said that they were taking her away. I tried to follow them but I couldn’t catch up, like in most dreams that you have. Once they reach the escalator I could barely see them. And once I got to the top looking over the entrance of the small, I saw my mom being taken out the door. The feeling of loss really struck me in this dream. At this point I still didn’t understand what this all meant.
On the third night, I had my third and final dream. I was walking along a hallway with much overgrowth. Vineage and flowers covered the floors wall and ceiling. At the end of the hall was a room that had no doorway. I saw a stone slab in the middle of the room, and my mom was laying on it. When I approached my mom it looked like she was resting. Except it was different. I sensed something was different. I have to do and during the final moment of that dream, I realized that she felt peace. I felt peace and I wasn’t scared.
My mom usually stayed up late. I woke up from this dream and I was crying. My mom came to me and she has me. I told her to please not leave me, and she said that she wasn’t going anywhere.
The next night, my mother was falling asleep and spaghetti we were eating. She was just so tired. During this time because of severe spinal pain and other causes we didn’t know of, she took a lot of medications. We think during this time that she overdose some meds. Anyways, that night as we were going up to our room, cuz my mom and I shared a room together in her parents house, she was just so tired she couldn’t make it to the bed when we got to the room. I helped her get into bed. I remember that I tried my best to change her into her night down and I tucked her in. But I didn’t do everything that was supposed to. I kept the light on that night.
A previous time my mom had been in a deep sleep, and the only way I could wake her was by pouring some soda into her mouth. I tried doing this that morning, but she wouldn’t wake up. I don’t know why I decided to do this, maybe I felt that I wasn’t going to come back up to the room, but I grabbed some of my favorite items including VHS tape that I had at the time and I made a little to go bag. I used my little red chair that I had to reach up for the lock on our door, and I went downstairs to my grandparents. They were asleep but I also knew they were cranky and I didn’t want to wake them up. So I laid next to the bed with my pile of items waiting for them. Once they actually look up they were wondering why I was there. That’s when I cried a little and I told them that I couldn’t get her up. I tried waking her but I couldn’t wake her up.
My grandma took me to McDonald’s once we got ready, and I played in the big play area. I played for a little bit, but I had a feeling. I turned to look out the plastic bubble that you can see through into the window of the actual restaurant. I saw my grandma on the phone and it didn’t look good. I watched until she got off the phone, then she came and got me. We went back to the house and she told me in the car that my mom died and she wasn’t coming back. Unfortunately because my grandparents were suffering with great grief, I didn’t understand a whole lot.
I waited for her to come home. I had a dog that previously died but I guess I just didn’t quite grasp what definitely. So I waited for her but she never came. Once I realized she wasn’t coming home, I thought about what happened in my dreams. I literally knew that she was going to die and I didn’t tell anyone about it. All I did was asked her not to sleep. And that was something I struggled with throughout my young childhood for some time.
But I believe whoever our Creator is told me. Looking back I don’t think I would have made it without those dreams. I don’t think it would have made me into the person I am now. Because from that point forward I had a drastic leap in my thinking. I thought about many deep subjects that not a lot of kids think about. I thought about a lot of philosophical stuff.
Despite me having a fear that there is nothing after, that is the one thing keeps grounded. In case someone is going through something similar, I want you to know that you’re not alone no matter what your belief is. I hope that we can find peace that we can live our life the way we should. To live a life that we love and to our fullest.
I hope that this doesn’t get taken down. If it does I understand why. But I thought I would share this story. Thank you for reading.