Welcome one and all to Cain’s Virtual Fair and Playland; where the atmosphere is hysteric and the fun is never ending! I hope you realize just how lucky you are, not just anyone gets to be here! No amount of money in the world can buy an experience quite like this. Each and every one our guests earn their chances at staying here through the same system. Congratulations on winning the raffle! Not many people would exchange something quite so valuable for a chance to live forever. The ticket you’ve won can be used only once, but I promise your time here will be unforgettable.
Before I let you go and explore the fairgrounds, there are some things I should tell you about. First of all, everything is completely 100% no cash required. Money is a forbidden currency around here. The rides don’t have lines, and the acts are a constant performance so you’ll never have to miss out. Enjoy the stalls to heart’s content with some of our most tantalizing cuisines. When you get hungry, you must eat right away with not a moment’s hesitation. This is crucial, you’re experience here will absolutely NOT be the same, I promise. Just between you and me, the Ḿ̷̨̞EAT̷̡̝̒ is mouth-watering. I really… really could just devour every last bit of it.
Now where was I? Oh yes, of course. Just a few more things. You don’t have to read the signs too much either. I doubt you’ll be able to understand the writing up there anyways. Such messy hand-writing, you could swear it wasn’t even English. Anyways, I should also mention a few things about the other guests wondering around the site. They’re just like you, only they arrived before you, making you our newest guest. Sometimes they’ve known to say some pretty wild things. They can be a tad territorial at times, even slightly aggressive on occasion, but don’t let that bother you! If at some point you start to feel uncomfortable, or find the indescribable rotting-feeling in your soul unbearable, try to endure it. Just keep enjoying the attractions and eating from the stalls and you’ll be A-OK.
We accept all kinds here at Cain’s Virtual Fair and Playland. You may run into a few guests who are a little confused or emotional, but there’s nothing to worry about. Our attentive staff are here to keep things running just the way the big boss likes it. If you’ll look over there, you’ll see Ose the Tamer. Right beside him you can see Andras the Hunter. Don’t mind their appearance, I promise that they are very skilled at their jobs.
Do I hear that stomach of yours grumbling? I think it’s time for you to get your hands on something to eat. Yes, that’s right, don’t walk. RUN to it, yes, dig your claws into its plump, savory goodness. I will be taking my leave now; you won’t need me for what comes next. Living forever comes with conditions, but I hope you’ll find that you made the right choice. As I said before, your ticket can only be used once, so you best make it count! This truly is an experience of a lifetime!