Once a month, without fail, a fresh bouquet of white lilies were carefully put on our son’s nightstand.
His room, squeaky clean for years, still carried his smell and all the memories, good and bad. Do you know what I miss now, more than anything? The messy room. The toys scattered all over the place. I miss telling him for the eleventh time that day that he needed to put away his stuff once he finished playing. I miss telling him I was tired of having to clean up after him. I miss the socks on the floor, and I miss the food stains on his clothes. I miss his smile and all the noise he made. I miss having to tell him endless times to put away the games because dinner was ready. I miss having him complain that he didn’t like the food. I miss all that.
He has been gone for four years now. One day he was there, and then, not. Just like that. He left school, got on the bus, and that was it. Never to be seen again. He would’ve been seventeen this year. I wonder what he would be like at seventeen. Would he be in love now? Would he be angry at the world? Would he go on to break records in sports, or master medicine at twenty five? Would he work as a barista hoping to land some big role in Hollywood or would he be a normal working man? I guess I’ll never know.
I was at work when I got the call from Mrs. Borden that Jason didn’t come home..
She was our neighbor for years and years. A retired nurse, who welcomed us to the neighborhood, always took care of Lizzy during the pregnancy, and was an all around good person. She was like our trusty grandmother. After Jason was born, she acted as our babysitter. I hate to say it, but sometimes I felt he liked her more than us. We were the grumpy parents that had all the rules, and she was the do what you want and have some ice cream as a reward type of person. Naturally, when Jason was old enough to ride the bus from school, he would hop off the bus at home then wait for us to arrive at her place.
“What do you mean he didn’t come home, Mrs. Borden?”
“I was outside in the garden tending to my flowers. I don’t know how, but I lost track of time and when I looked at my watch I realized that it was more than two hours since Jason was supposed to arrive. I went over to your house, tried to open the door but it was locked. I called out, but got no response. There is no one at home. I don’t know what to do. I don’t have the school number to call to see if he’s still there. I’m so sorry, I don’t know what to do”
“Calm down Mrs. Borden. Let me call the school to see if he’s still there. I’ll call you back”
But he wasn’t. Not at school, not at home. I called my wife. We got off work and immediately went home. I called the police and they were there in no time. It was a small town. Officer Reid was the closest and was the one who got the call. He arrived at our house, hands on hips, looking around, with an aura of calmness. It’s sad to think that he probably has dealt with a few cases of this nature, to already be sedated to these kinds of situations. His demeanor gave us hope that this was probably just a scare. Nevertheless we were pretty stressed when we met him at the door. And he could tell.
“John, Lizzy, let’s all calm down, and try to think things clearly. If your son is indeed missing, we need to go over things carefully so as to not waste time. But I think it’s a bit early to start sounding the alarm. So, let’s just relax and take a big breath”
“How can we calm down Reid? He’s not at school and he’s not at home. It’s been hours, and no one has seen him”
“Have you called any of his friends’ parents, to make sure he’s not at any of their houses?”
“Yes, we did. No one has seen him.”
“What did they say at school?”
“He was there the whole day and attended all classes. Didn’t miss one”
“What about the other kids’ parents? Did you ask them to check with their kids, if they saw Jason get on the bus, and get off the bus here at home?”
“Some weren’t sure, but Zack’s kid says Jason got off here at home. He’s sure, because he said that Jason tripped coming out of the bus and fell. It made him laugh.”
“Ok. That narrows down things. Do you have any reason to suspect that Jason would run away to some friends house, or some girls house?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think so. We called everyone we thought of, before you got here. Nobody has seen him. And I think if Jason had a girlfriend we would’ve suspected something by now. But I don’t know. Maybe. I’ll call his friends.”
“Don’t. I’ll get my colleagues to do that. They work faster and they know what to ask. We need to go to Jason’s room. I need you to tell me if anything looks off. Any missing clothes or any missing belongings.”
Officer Reid then got on the radio and asked for backup. They would arrive in five minutes’ time.
We all went into Jason’s room, but nothing was missing. All his clothes were either on the floor, the bed, the chair or the closet. There were no missing shoes. His gameboy was still on the nightstand, and there was no way he was going anywhere without it. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. By the time we finished sweeping the room, backup had arrived.
We went downstairs with Officer Reid and he started giving out orders to the other officers.
“Dave, here is a list of Jason’s friends. Go there and ask around if they noticed something out of place recently with Jason. Ask if he was seeing anyone as well. But before you do that, sweep the area to see if he’s around somewhere. Just to be sure. Anything you find, report back to me. David, you and me are going to Mrs. Borden’s house and then we’re going to pay a visit to Mr. Richard.”
“Mrs. Borden’s house? Why? Just go to that creep’s house first! I’ll go there myself!” - my wife yelled.
“Lizzy, don’t make things harder than they already are. I never take anything for granted. We do this right and by the book. Better to be safe than sorry. Let’s go.”
“Then John’s going with you. You’re going to end up giving that poor woman a heart attack”
We went over to Mrs. Borden’s. Lizzy stayed behind, trying to remember other people she could call.
When we got there, she was inside, pacing around, in a pile of nerves. Her hands trembled more than mine.
“I’m so sorry John, I’m so sorry!” - she cried
“What are you talking about, Mrs. Borden? It’s not your fault. Please calm down and stop crying. We are going to find him. We need to have a clear head and think about everything very carefully. Everything is going to be ok.” - I said, trying to calm her down.
“Mrs. Borden, I need you to tell me what happened this afternoon. Where were you when Jason supposedly got off the bus?” - Reid asked.
“I was in my garden in the back. I bought a bunch of lily buds yesterday and was planning on planting them today. I was taking out the weeds and tending to the other flowers first. I guess I lost track of time, and by the time I checked my watch, it was almost four”
“And at what time does he usually arrive?”
“Around one thirty”
“And he usually comes here first? Or does he go home and then come here?”
“He always goes home first. To leave his backpack and get that electronic game of his. Ever since Lizzy and John gave him that, he was always playing on it. I usually hear the bus arriving and go inside to prepare his lunch. But I swear I didn’t hear anything today. Dear lord, help me” - and she burst into tears again.
“Now, now, Mrs. Borden. Calm down. It’s no one’s fault. Can you show me where your garden is?”
“I’m sorry for this Mrs. Borden. They are just eliminating every possibility.” - I said, ashamed to even suspect she did anything.
The officers search around her garden and her house. They found nothing. It was as she said. The garden had been slightly dug up for a new batch of plants, there were a few bags with old dead flowers inside, some weeds scattered around, empty pots and gardening tools. The inside of the house was still smelling of her godly homemade food that was meant for Jason. But as expected there was nothing unusual to be found.
“Can we please go to the other guy’s house now? I think we’ve wasted enough time here Reid.” - I said, starting to lose my patience.
“You don’t expect me to let you come with us, do you? You’re not going anywhere near that house, understood?”
“Oh yes I am! We all know that if something happened, that pedophile most likely did it.”
“Do you really want to waste time on this, right now? I have half a mind to handcuff you to Mrs. Borden’s fence.”
After a bit more back and forth, I understood this was a battle I wasn’t winning and I was the one wasting time, so I just went home to Lizzy.
“No one knows anything John. I don’t know what else to do. What are we going to do? Oh god, John”
“He’s going to turn up Lizzy. We have to believe it’s going to be alright. By the end of the day he’s going to be back here. You’ll see. They’re going over to that creep’s house now”
“I swear if that man even thought of Jason… I’ll kill him, John.”
“You and me both.”
After about an hour of pacing around in the living room, Officer Reid came back.
“So? Please tell me something good, Reid.”
“I’m only doing this because it’s you two. If any of my superiors even get a whiff that I told you something, I’m going to have serious problems. I just want you to know that we might have something. Do you understand?”
We both stared and waited, hearts in hands.
“We found some things in his house. Things that belong to kids.”
“What kind of things?”
Richard D. Crow. A convicted pedophile that lived a few houses down. He was fired for allegedly molesting one of his students back when he was a music teacher. He never once called for his innocence. He knew what he was, and so did we. In a small town community, word gets around fast, and so everyone knew they should avoid him and that place.
In the ensuing days, a very thorough investigation was made on that house and that man. They found backpacks, books, school material like pens and pencils and rubber, they found pieces of clothing and stuff like that. Most of it belonged to our community’s kids. Most importantly, to us at least, they found Jason’s bulbasaur cap. The police kept him and interrogated him for days, while they searched every inch of that house. No signs of Jason. Nothing that pointed to him ever being there. Except for that cap. All the other stuff they found, turns out he had been stealing from kids. Not directly stealing, but whatever he found lost that belonged to kids, we would just take home. Most of it was identified and returned.
It was a shock to everyone, when they released him, because no evidence pointed to him ever doing anything wrong, other than taking things that didn’t belong to him. As for Jason’s cap, he told the police that he found it on the street. Unfortunately, in trying to prove that Jason was wearing that cap that day, the police found out that Jason’s friend Mitch had thrown the cap out of the bus window as a joke. So it was plausible that Richard had found it on the street as he said. I couldn’t accept that. That man had done something to Jason. It was obvious to anyone who thought about it for a second. After Jason jumped off the bus, he went back down the street to get the cap, and that’s when Richard took him.
I got together with a group of friends, all of them dads, and we decided to pay a visit to Richard D. Crow.
We beat that man for hours, and never once did he admit what he had done. But we knew. We knew.
I saw I wasn’t getting Jason back, no matter what I did, so I took what I could from him.
We got a piece of rope, and that was it.
Last thing he did was apologize for being what he was.
They found his dangling body the day after. They knew we had done it, but just like it had happened to our purple little friend before, they couldn’t prove anything. Deep down, I know they were glad that was the case.
Nobody ever talks about what happened back then anymore. Maybe some reference here or there, but it’s mostly forgotten. Like a bad dream that fades away with time.
Mrs. Borden died last week, out of nowhere. She was still in her seventies, and to our knowledge, in good health. A heart attack in the middle of the night. Lizzy is taking it the hardest. To her it felt like losing a mother. The neighborhood grandma is no more, and there was a void looming around our community.
There was a huge funeral and the whole town, except for a few minor unknowns, attended the funeral. We all cried and reminisced about her life.
After what happened to Jason, Lizzy spent most of her time over at Mrs. Borden’s house. Lizzy needed the comfort and the company of her surrogate mother. They spent most of their time together in the garden, tending to the white lilies. Lizzy had started to spend less and less time with me. I think my face reminded her of Jason and she couldn’t handle it.
We didn’t expect any inheritance from her. She was a widow, with no kids. She had us, the community and a few distant relatives. To our surprise, she left us something. All of her possessions were to be sold at auction and the subsequent money raised was to be given out to invest in the community, as per her will. With the exception of her house. She left us the house. And also, a letter, sealed, only to be read by me and Lizzy.
“Dear John and Lizzy,
As you both know, me and Dan were never able to have kids. I never got the chance to share the love that I had with a son or a daughter, and that pained me for most of my life. They were long and painful years, always feeling an emptiness inside my own four walls. That was until you two came into my life. The day that you and Lizzy arrived next door. Both me and Dan liked you from the start, and by the end, we considered you our very own children, and your boy Jason, our very own grandson. I felt so happy that words cannot begin to express the feeling of love I have for you three. It is my final wish to give you rest and closure, like you gave to me while I was still alive. Everyday I feel my heart skipping a beat, feeling it get weaker and weaker. I write this letter, knowing that I am not long for this world. Everynight I stay awake, haunted by my dreams. Haunted by what happened to Jason. Haunted by what I did.
Sorry for what I put you through. Sorry for the years of pain and misery that I caused you. Sorry for leaving the hope alive that one day he would come back, when I knew that he wouldn’t. I was a coward. I was selfish. I lost Jason, and I didn’t want to lose you too. I was going to confess, but when I saw your faces, I couldn’t go through with it. After a lifetime of asking God for children, I couldn’t lose all three in one day. I couldn’t. But now that I am six feet under, and on my way to hell, I have to give you peace.
Jason got home on time that afternoon. I was in my garden, and as soon as I heard the bus I went to the front door to meet him. He was complaining about a headache, and so I went to get some medicine. But you know how Jason was with taking pills. He was into the whole conspiracy that the government uses medicine to control us. Not wanting to listen to that silly talk, I took a few aspirin and crushed them into a glass of juice. It was just to make the headaches go away. I wanted him to feel well. But I took the wrong medicine out of the cabinet. They all look the same. I read the label and knew I had given him a very dangerous dose of pills. I froze and didn’t know what to do. I was afraid to do anything. I didn’t know what to do. Given my experience as a nurse in my working years, I knew I had killed him. There was nothing I could do. A few minutes after, he started to feel woozy and complaining about his stomach. And then he started convulsing. And then he laid there, very still. His heart was no longer beating.
I panicked and I knew I had to hide him. All I could think about was you two. What you would think of me. I thought about losing him and you. I couldn’t let that happen over a mistake. I had to do something. The only thing that came to mind was to hide Jason. And I did it, in the garden. I buried Jason in the garden. I dug so fast. So fast. I was gentle with him. I kissed him in the forehead before throwing him into the hole.
I had no time to plant anything on top of it, so I had to improvise. I threw some bags of seeds and pots on top of the freshly disturbed earth. And I did a very good job hiding what had happened. I remember the terror I felt when the officers were looking around in my garden. But who would suspect me? It was actually John who called them off and yelled at them to go do something more productive than looking around in my backyard. Even so, I don’t think that the thought of me doing something ever really crossed their minds.
A few days later, when everything started to simmer down, I planted all those lilies that Lizzy loves, on top of Jason. In a way, not wanting to sound insane, me and her took care of him even in death.
I gave love to all of those lilies. I talked to them like I was talking to him. Every single day. I told him how you were. I told him what was going on around town. It was like he was never gone. When they were all grown and ready to be picked, I started giving them to Lizzy. I told her to put the lilies in Jason’s room because it would bring you luck and hope. But I did it because that’s where they belonged. That’s where he belonged. I wanted to bring him back so much, but the lilies were the best I could do.
At least in some way, he was back in his room, like Lizzy and you always hoped he would someday be.“