I miss visiting the ocean. I miss listening to the waves crash as we stand in silence. I miss hearing you laugh as the water slowly inched toward us before finally touching our feet.
I miss going to the park. And how you would slow your pace so I could keep up with you. Or when you smiled at strangers and waved so I wouldn’t have to.
I can still see how the sun reflects off your skin when I visit the river. I can picture you splashing around, chasing after your dogs, glancing over your shoulder, and checking if anyone was watching.
Sometimes, I even remember how you looked while at work. The smell of coffee in the air reminds me of you and your work smile. I could sense you trying not to look at me and attempting to keep things professional.
I miss you. I miss you. I miss you so much. SO much.
I wonder if the roles reverse, would you miss me this much? I would hope so. We’ve always had a special connection, a bond people rarely experience. I can still see it like it was yesterday, the first time you noticed me.
I’ve always had a difficult family life. My dad is a crazy alcoholic who loves going out and partying. I bet he went to escape from my mother. My mother was the one who brought home money for him to spend, just for an ounce of his attention. See, she loved him more than life itself and more than her child. She baby-trapped him. I was a reason for him to stick around. I suppose it worked until she died stealing from the wrong person. After her death, my father had no reason to stick around since I was no longer a child, so he left.
I don’t remember feeling sadness for my mom. How could anyone love someone to the point of death? How could anyone love someone over the kid that came from them? If anything, I was angry. I was angry she left me alone. Angry that my mom picked my father’s addiction over me. Where was her motherly instinct to care, love, and protect me?
The day you approached me was the day of her funeral. I had decided to skip it, opting to go to school. You were the only one to walk up to me. The only one to softly look at me, touch my shoulder, and whisper an “I’m sorry.” I can still feel your touch now. It was so warm, I thought your hand would burn into my skin. I think, on another level, it did leave a mark. One only we can see.
That moment altered the trajectory of my life forever. I finally understood why my mother acted the way she did and why she was so obsessive over my trash of a father.
Your look healed me, and I felt a spark I had never felt before. You started a fire inside me that continues to grow, and I don’t think it will ever stop. I’ve loved you from that moment on. You became my everything.
But you didn’t notice me for the rest of our senior year. You were too busy with sports, friends, and getting into a good college. I wouldn’t bother you. I knew someday we were going to be together. I supported you from afar, even if it meant skipping out on my dream of being high school sweethearts. I was at every game. Every award accembly. Every stupid party your friends dragged you to. I saw all the girls who forced their lips upon you. You were too polite to say no. I understand that. So I never got mad at you. No. Just those disgusting, perversive skanks. Do you know how much I held back? I wanted to scream in their face, rip their hair from their head, and shove it down their throat. I controlled myself for you. I knew you wouldn’t want me to get in trouble. There were too many people, it would’ve been terrible for our image. When we started dating, what would people think of me? Your friends had to like me. I know how important they are to you.
Finally, we graduated. I took maybe a hundred pictures of you that day. You looked so good in blue. And your smile as you walked across the stage to get your diploma? Mesmerizing. I could see you that excited at our wedding.
Then, suddenly, you left. With no warning, you went off to college. I knew you were going, but not the next day. It was a miscalculation on my part. I wasn’t ready. And I wouldn’t be for the next two years. I worked and worked until I saved enough to move. Three jobs with limited sleep would be a lot on anyone else. Not me, though. Our love is too strong to stop me from being where you are.
It was all worth it! Seeing you again at your workplace serving coffee felt like fireworks exploding in my heart. I couldn’t control myself as I sat there watching you. I know you noticed me come by every day. Your smile only reached your eyes with me, and I realized you were finally ready to accept me! That day marks when we finally got together. It took about three years, but I know that means our love is superior to others. We are soulmates. Nothing can keep us apart.
I felt jealous of your friendliness towards others, but I suppose that’s how girlfriends are. Especially me. I almost expected you to go out and cheat with those filthy sluts. But you would never do that. I’m your everything. You’re my everything.
It’s been six months since then, and every day has felt like bliss! We’ve been to so many places together. I never imagined a life like this for myself. Growing up, I couldn’t picture this much happiness.
At least, I thought everything was blissful for both of us.
Do you think I didn’t notice? That I wouldn’t see you hanging out with that bitch from the coffee shop? I used to see how she threw herself at you, practically drooling when you glanced in her direction. She didn’t realize you were only being polite, that your small talk was nothing but work etiquette. How could it be anything else? You love me. You only love me. I am your everything. We are one. We are together. We are soulmates.
I know the first hangout was out of sympathy. That woman’s looks could never attract someone. Her hair is constantly greasy, her face stamped with red, and her clothes are too showy. You wanted to give her an experience no one else would. That kindness is one of the reasons I love you so much. But she took it too far by inviting you to the second and third “date.”
I wasn’t planning on doing anything to her at first. I mean, if I did, it would seem excessive. I trust you. But she just had to take it too far by constantly touching you.
I know you saw her as a sympathy case, but you couldn’t expect me to sit back and watch forever. Last week, I taught her a lesson.
After your third pity “date,” I decided to walk her home for you. She was on the phone, bragging to some friend about how kind you were and how soon you two would be officially dating. Can you believe that? She genuinely thought she had a chance!
Eventually, the call ended, and I did it. Picking up a rock for protection, I went to talk to her. I explained to that bitch how she was a pity case. How you could never love her when you already found your soulmate. That we’ve been together for longer than she knew you existed. I think I broke her heart because she just sat there silently. She didn’t argue or cry. Her eyes barely even looked at me, preferring to look up at the stars. It was probably embarrassing to be confronted by your crush’s girlfriend. But I felt great. I took the rock with me, and you might think it’s weird, but it felt like a keepsake. It would remind both of us how much we mean to each other.
The next day, you showed no signs of missing her. When she didn’t show up for work, respond to your calls, or answer the door, you continued like life was normal. I knew she wasn’t significant to you. I knew I was the only one you needed. I had my doubts, I won’t lie, but I know that was silly of me. I’m disgusted with myself for thinking she meant more than me. I didn’t want to tell you this, but sometimes I doubt our love is mutual. Lately, you shut your blinds more, took your trash to the dump yourself, and changed your lock. Why? What is it you’re hiding? What don’t you want me to know about?
Tell me. Tell me why. Why are you doing this? Why are you putting this distance between us? I miss you. I miss you so fucking much Come back outside. Why aren’t you coming back outside? I need you. I need you so badly to come back to me Come back come BAck come back Come BAck CoME BACk MCOme BAXCOk
Without you, I’m afraid of what I will do. If you don’t come out, I will have to come in. Hopefully, this note is enough for you to understand what your actions made me feel. I’m posting this for you to find. I know how much you enjoy this site.
You love your friends, don’t you? You have a day before I do something drastic.