It started a month ago, I had just broken up with my girlfriend after I came out to her as bi, needless to say she didn’t want any part of it, so she ended things. So here I was a free man looking to stretch his legs and see what was out there, it couldn’t hurt after all. I heard horror stories of people getting burned on them but I dowloaded all the apps and just threw myself into it, hoping for the best.
The first few times were okay, a few good conversations to start, but when we met up it devolved into them trying to hook up with me. I wanted a connection, not just something physical or being a unicorn for a failing marriage.
It was very discouraging with my new found freedom, a new dating pool and trying a cure for my loneliness. I was about to give up when I got a message from a guy named Steven, relunctantly I opened it. It seemed like the stuff I heard bunches of times before, so I answered back with my standard answer and left for work. When I got off that day I had messages waiting for me from Steven, he seemed genuinely interested in me, not the usual “looking?”
Saturday comes round and we meet at the local java hut, he excitedly gave me a hug, putting me off a little bit. He looked just like pictures, had a nice build and his smile put me at ease. We talked for hours, our coffees completely ignored and by the time we left when the coffee shop closed, I felt like this was what I was looking for. We made plans to hangout again the following weekend, with lots of texts inbetween. It seemed like a whirlwind, we got along so well and had so many interests and he didn’t mind that I had been with women before. Steven wasn’t judgmental like most of the people I had gone out with, preferring to have a connection with me.
Steven and I had a lot of fun when we were together, whether it was gaming, out to a movie or relaxing at my place. I hadn’t yet been over to his house, which was odd but I didn’t think anything of it. Steven put me at ease and I felt way more open with him than I was with my girlfriend. He was even super chill about the fact that I didn’t have any sexual experience with a man, not rushing me before I could figure out what I liked. That’s why when our fourth date came around I wanted to tell him that I felt ready to intimate things. I felt butterflies in my stomach that afternoon as I was getting ready. I thought I’d try some new cologne and a new shirt I got to look extra sexy for the occasion. I was excited, but I didn’t know what was coming, but you never do, do you?
Steven picked me up at six, with what he promised was a romantic evening with a special “surprise” at the end. We started with dinner at a Chinese place, which was really good. I was hungry, but I didn’t want to stuff myself in case we got to sexy time later. “Are you having a good time?” Steven asked “I am, I’ve had a lot of fun with you since we met.” I replied “Me too.” Steven had said “I’m really intrigued by this surprise you have for later.” I said “I think you’re going to like it.” Steven said with a smile, I smiled back, not able to wait.
The weather was nice enough to walk to the nearby park after dinner. We stopped at an ice cream vendor for dessert, “What do you want?” Steven asked “I’ll take a vanilla cone, two scoops.” I replied “Two vanillas, please.” The vendor gave a smile and served us up, Steven paying for our frozen treats. “Thanks for the treat tonight, I’ve had fun tonight.” I had said “Me too, I can’t wait to see your face when you get the surprise.”
I smiled again as we started walking, I decided to hold Steven’s hand as we walked along, the lights of the lamps in the park lit our way. I licked my cone as we kept walking, talking about everything and nothing. We kept walking as we passed a group of gruff looking guys being loud and obnoxious, blasting shitty music off a shitty phone, empty beer cans littering the ground around them. As we passed them I held Steven’s hand tighter, trying not to make eye contact, something about them putting me off.
As we passed them, they took notice and quieted down, one of the neanderthals making a mocking gesture in a high voice “Hi girls, off to see the wizard of ass?” Steven yelled back “Nice try fuck pig! You’re dad didn’t complain last night.” I looked at Steven not knowing how to deal with this because, I had never been in a situtation like this before. “Just keep walking, ignore them.” He offered a smile as we neared the edge of the park, the parking lot only across the street, Steven’s car in view. I could hear them throwing insults at us as we left them behind.
We finally got to his Honda when he stopped me, pulling me close “You know the surprise i had for you?” Steven asked “I’ve been waiting all night for it…” I replied “I’ve had so much fun with you the past month and I wanted to know…if you’d be my boyfriend?” He blushed a bit as he looked into my eyes, waiting for an answer. “Of course I would!” He smiled as I leaned in for a kiss, but he pulled away as we were interrupted by the calls of the cretins from earlier, hopped up on beer and bravado. “C’mon, lets get out of here.” Steven ushered me into his car and got out of there quickly.
We pulled up to Stevens house about fifteen minutes later, a nice suburban home that was very unassuming. “It’s kind of a mess inside, just ignore it.” Steven said “It’s okay, you’ve seen my place.” I gave a laugh after that. We walked into complete darkness with Steven walking ahead of me “Kinda dark in here…” I got no answer as I tried to walk in after Steven. The light suddenly popped on, almost hurting my eyes, Steven standing before me.
As my eyes adjusted to the light, I noticed the house was completely empty, no furniture, nothing on the walls. “Kinda spartan, in here isn’t it?” I asked, Steven just smiled, still staring at me. I felt a rattle of nervousness as we stood there, just looking at each other. I felt someone standing behind me as I felt arms wrap around myhead and neck putting me in a chokehold. I struggled as the world started going dark, before I faded into blackness I saw two other men flank Steven.
I came to god knows when, in some place that smelled earthy and old. In my grogginess I looked around quicky to assess my surroundings. The space was old and rundown, I could see old pews and a vaulted ceiling, my guess that it was an abandoned church. I was laid down near the altar, an old cross full of Jesus hanging above me. My hands were tied, but there was nothing else holding me down. I heard voices in the adjoining room, they were suddenly at full volume as the door opened. I was greeted by several men and a few women, they looked like normal people, but had a wild look in their eyes. Steven was the last to follow the group out and as we looked at each other he smiled that smile that I fell in love with, making me sick.
An older man, probably the leader, approached me. “I’m glad you’re awake my son, we’re here to save you and set you free.” he’d said “Saving? From what? Who the fuck are you people?” He winced at that and said “Language aside, young man, we work for the lord and we set people of….your persuasion free.” I was confused at everything he was telling me. “What are you talking about? Because I like men too?” He smiled at that, confident that I was understanding. “Of course my son, we’ve done this many, many times.” I looked around at all of these maniacs wondering how someone could be this way, as the older man gestured. “Some of the lovely folks you see here were right where you are at now, living an unnatural life.” In unison they all started smiling, that sick way that Steven smiled at me.
I felt so sick and said “You sick fucks…especially you!” I gestured at Steven, his smile wavering a bit. “I just wanted to help you become a more natural man.” He looked at me with those baby blues, the ones I gazed into with love, now I seared at them with rage. The older man came in a little closer, producing a large ornate knife. “Now this is much easier for you because you still have some purity left.” I looked at him squarely “But I’ve already had sex! What do you–” I suddenly realized what exactly he meant, as he saw it in my face “You still have vestiges of your innocence even if it is through…unnatural means.” My horror rose at that thought, my head swimming. “Now you have two options, a blood sacrifice…” he drew the knife near my throat as I could feel the blade on my skin. “Or a blood atonement…” as he drew the knife down my stomach toward my crotch.
I thought very carefully as to my strategy to get out of this. I had to play this game if I was going to survive. A moment passed as I looked toward the congregation from hell as I said “I choose atonement.” The old man smiled as he lifted my shirt, drawing the knife to my skin. I felt a white hot burning as he slowly drug the knife ever so gingerly down my stomach, the blood flowing freely. He had done so with precision and dipped his fingers in my blood, smearing some on my forehead. “I set you free into this world, with purity and grace my son, go forth and set others free…” I felt the knife slice easily through my restraints as my hands came apart.
“I present you a new member to our flock, for the sword of righteousness!” The group repeated the mantra in unison, all beaming and white smiles as they welcomed me. The old man ushered me toward Steven saying “Steven will be your sponsor in our flock, given the fact he picked you to set you free.” Steven gestured to me to follow him to room adjacent to the main chapel. He closed the door behind us. I stood with my back to him “Why Steven, why? I trusted you with my heart, my soul…and you fucked it all away.” I was so hurt and devestated at that moment, but I needed that distraction to grab anything I could for a weapon. Steven spoke after a moment “I did enjoy our time, it was great, we make great pals, but I knew you fell into this unnatural life and I had to save you.” I finally turned toward Steven.
The brass candleholder I found would do well, I concealed it as I turned. “Well, I guess I owe you an apology.” Steven smiled at that as I moved to him “There’s just one thing I have to say…” Steven smiled this “What is it?” I msiled back as i kicked him squarely in the nuts, he dropped immediately grabbing his package as I brought the candle holder to the side of his head, it connected with a solid sound. He fell over completely now, I set the candle holder down quietly and moved to the the window and as quietly as I could and slipped out. Looking back inside Steven started to writhe a bit, an ease on my conscience. Then I ran, ran as fast as my legs could take me, the commotion of yelling and doors slamming as I made my way from the hell church.
I went to the police and really had to fight to be believed, to no ones shock. The only proof I had was the cut on my stomach and my wrist marks from being tied up, unfortunately the case may go nowhere. I seek therapy now and go religiously, I also took up hand to hand combat and self defense. I’m looking into buying a gun and exercising my second amendment rights. I’ve been doing research into disappearances and deaths connected to the queer community, namely gay and bisexual men. I found some others like me, with similar experiences and interests, who have been silenced and have nowhere else to turn. I offer my experience as a cautionary tale, be aware of who you date, know your exits and never assume that you are safe. The only person that can save you is you. Beware out there.