This is an update to this post. Why does my boyfriend have things from my childhood in his house? (3) : nosleep (reddit.com)
I’m still at my mum’s - things are clearer. But maybe ignorance is bliss sometimes.
The noise of the ringing was maddening. I hadn’t realised how quiet the dining room was beforehand.
I lifted up my phone and saw Tom’s contact, his face smiling at me. It was a photo from last year, when he surprised me with a birthday picnic. Probably one of the best days of my life.
I felt like I was going to be sick.
After the night I had just endured, combined with his call and my mum’s expression it felt like some kind of drawn out torment. I declined it, hands shaking, and soon saw that this was no less than the fifteenth time he had tried to call me. I must have missed the rest when I was asleep, my phone switched off.
‘W-who was it?’ She was stammering, trying to recollect her breath as if it was going to run away from her. ‘Was it him?’
I nodded, eyes closing. I was about to speak, to ask her if she was alright, why she was so scared - but she beat me to it.
‘Emma… what is his last name?’
This wasn’t what I was expecting her to say at all, and it took me a few seconds to reply. ‘Er, Amery. Tom Amery.’ Immediately after the words left my mouth her eyes closed. I noticed that she had started to hold herself, arms wrapped around her thin frame. ‘M-mum, you’re scaring me.’
‘What are his parents called?’
I hesitated, not knowing how she was going to react.
‘George and Beryl. His parents are called George and Beryl Amery.’
She turned her head to the side and vomited onto the dining room floor.
Half an hour later, we were sat in my mother’s room again. She was lying down, me sat adjacent to her body. She was sweating, pale and lethargic looking, the most tired I had seen her in a long time. The visceral - and violent - reaction her body had to this information had completely shut her down, and I didn’t know how to fix it.
I stroked her hair, mimicking her actions from the night before, and she gripped my free hand tightly.
I cleared my throat. ‘Do you want me to get you anything? Medicine, food? I can run to the shops and grab stuff if you-‘
‘No. No it’ll be alright.’ Her voice was barely audible, a croak. But when she looked at me, meeting my eyes for the first time in minutes, her eyes cleared a little. She groaned a little, sitting up with her back on the headboard. ‘I’m sorry Em.’
I thought she was talking about her being sick. ‘What for? Don’t worr-‘
‘No Em. I’m sorry for what I haven’t told you. I’m sorry for not seeing the signs earlier. I’m sorry that you saw what you saw and had to leave like that.’ She was speaking much quicker now, a sense of urgency seeping in. ‘I should have told you. I should have known he was going to-‘
‘Mum. Mum calm down. You’ve just been ill, I think you should rest then we-‘
‘Emma!’ She almost shouted, and looked at me with an intensity that would have made me stumble if I was standing. ‘Listen, please.’ I was taken aback.
‘O-ok, yes sorry. I will.’ She sighed, taking both of my hands in hers.
‘I didn’t mean to raise my voice, so I’m sorry about that. But what I’m going to say will sound mad…’ She shook her head, exhaling.
‘Emma, I used to work for the Amery family. A-and you came with me when I did.’
My stomach lurched. ‘What- what are you talking about? When?’ The room was spinning a little. I couldn’t believe what she was saying.
‘When your dad passed, you were only four. I don’t think you have many memories of him, or how it was when he did. I was so, so depressed, darling. It was just me and you in that tiny flat for so long and I didn’t know if I could support you the way I wanted, didn’t know what to do with you sometimes. It was so bloody overwhelming.
It was an ad in the newspaper. I had saw it on my way to work one day, you at a nursery that I could barely afford. A wealthy couple needing a live-in nanny, quite far from here - but it was good pay, and meant that I could take you with me. There was a child you could play with, some sense of security in meals and housing. I responded, and got the job. We packed up and left a few days later, which wasn’t hard since there was barely much to take with us anyway.’
‘We got the train, just you and me. I remember feeling free for the first time in a long time, hopeful that I could give you the life that I wanted to. You sat on my lap for the last stretch as we pulled into a small village, I forget the name-‘
‘Pryham?’ My eyes widened.
‘Yes, yes that’s what it was. You were twitching with excitement. I think I was too, honestly. We got picked up in a taxi, who took us down a lovely long road. The views were wonderful, you could see for miles.’ I felt a tinge of confusion - she was talking about the main road, the one I walked down. But it seemed so different, like one well traversed, not obscured by tall grass and wildflowers.
‘The house was gorgeous, Em. I can’t help but still think that. Like something out of a fairytale. When the car reached I remember seeing them - George, Beryl, and little Tom waiting for us at the front.’
I shivered, but let her continue.
‘We were let inside, them welcoming us in like we’d known each other for years, cooing over you. Tom was looking at you already, I remember. Something about it was strange though - it wasn’t like a childish crush or nervousness - I felt like he was analysing you. But I shoved those feelings down - you were both barely five. It wasn’t possible. Maybe he was just unsure about you, like some kids are when they meet others their age.’
‘We settled in, you and me. We stayed in a big room on the second floor, and when George and Beryl went to work it was me, you and Tom in the house all day - they didn’t even mind that you were there, probably just glad he had someone to play with. It was lovely, those first few weeks.’
‘Then-‘ She stopped, suddenly, looking at me apprehensively. ‘Go on,’ I encouraged, holding her hand tighter. ‘You can tell me.’
She murmured something. ‘What? What is it?’ I urged.
‘George.’
‘What d’you mean?’ I hoped she didn’t mean what I thought she did.
She moistened her lips, then sighed. ‘I was so lonely, after your father died. George was so kind to me, Em - so was Beryl, of course, but George always seemed to be there. Waiting for me to say I needed help, then he could just swoop in and do it.’ She closed her eyes, and I really didn’t want to hear the next words.
‘I had an affair with him, Em. I don’t know if we hid it well, and I do know that nothing good came out of it. After about two weeks I was getting really uncomfortable with it, for what we were doing to Beryl and Tom. I felt disgusting for what I was doing to you.’
‘You and Tom were in your own worlds. You’d play for hours together in his room, or outside. But was off - Tom was always in charge of what games you’d play, and more than once you came to me, upset that he’d scared you, told you things that you didn’t want to hear. You once said that… that once he saw me and his dad kissing in the study, and told you that his mum would find out, then fire me. You were in bits, saying that you didn’t want to leave, not wanting to go back to the old flat, the life before. You begged me to stop and I told you that nothing was going on. That all was fine.’
‘That worked on you, thankfully. But George was the problem, more than everything else. I tried telling him that I didn’t want to do this anymore, I wanted to call things off. I couldn’t keep hurting his family - but he wouldn’t listen. It was like I had told him to do something terrible, not the right thing.’
‘He wouldn’t let me go, would keep cornering me in rooms, trying to change my mind, telling me that I was the best thing that had happened to him in a while. And one day… he stopped listening to me.’
The room was deathly silent. There were tears running down both our faces.
‘I didn’t know what to do - who to tell. The Amery family were well respected in Pryham, even if they did live outside of its limits - I knew that the police was going to brush me off. So I did the only thing I could do, which in hindsight was incredibly rash.’
‘I told Beryl. I got her alone one day, when George was at work and you kids at school - you’d both started to go to the small primary school in Pryham the month before.’ My mum paused.
‘What did she say?’ I eased, gently.
‘She knew. And she didn’t care.’
‘What?’
‘Yes. She knew the entire time, walked in on us near the beginning of it. A-and-‘ Her breath hitched. ‘And George knew that she knew. It was so, so strange. It was like an elaborate game that I was losing.’
Sounded familiar.
I spoke for the first time in a while. ‘I know what you mean.’ My mum looked up in surprise. ‘When I was there George and Beryl convinced me that they could be trusted, that I could tell them everything about Tom. Tom then said that they were lying, that they were strange with new people.’ I grimaced. ‘I think all three of them were leading me to false pretenses. Some weird power play so I would be disorientated, easily taken advantage of.’ The more I spoke, the more my words began to make sense. ‘Maybe it was so I could be vulnerable, dependent. Don’t know what for.’
My mum squeezed my hand. I felt like we were both on the precipice of something that we were yet to understand. ‘Yes Em, just like that. Because when Beryl said that to me I literally had nowhere to go, nobody to confide in. I couldn’t afford to leave and didn’t want to uproot you from school, too. Maybe that’s what they wanted.’
She leant forward. ‘It was hell, those last few months we spent there. I tried making it good for you - we celebrated your fifth there. You were wearing… wearing the clothes you found. In the lid. I think that picture might have been from your birthday.’
‘Still, it was hard. The couple were virtually ignoring me but I could feel their eyes on me at the same time. And then there was Tom. That boy.’ She swallowed. ‘I knew, you see, from that first day, that he was different. He obviously wasn’t around many children his age and now you were there - for God knows how much longer, since I couldn’t leave - it was like you were a new toy to play with. He was cruel, to animals, to you, to me. But I put up with it. What else is there to do?’
‘And then things started getting really… well strange. Whenever I left the house, which was very infrequent at this point, I would get a really funny sensation in my mind that I needed to go back. It was so unnatural, like an itch that couldn’t be scratched until I returned. I put it off for a while, thinking that I was just worried about you, and if you were alright when you didn’t have me to keep you safe in there. But I shouldn’t have. We should have ran the second I felt it.’
Her nails dug into her palm. ‘Em, do you know anything about summoning rituals?’
This was so unexpected that I almost spluttered. ‘No- what are you talking about?’
She winced. ‘I think that the proper word is evo-evocation or something. Normally it’s used for spirits, and I don’t - didn’t believe in that kind of stuff. But then it happened.’
‘I woke up one night and George and Beryl were stood at the foot of my bed. I almost screamed - but thankfully their eyes were closed, thinking I was still asleep. They- they were chanting, I don’t know what language. There was a photo of us in front of them - us at your birthday, I think. Th-they were making it so we would never leave… and I don’t know why!’
She began to shake with sobs, and I immediately took her into my arms, my mind spinning. Why didn’t they want us to leave? Was Tom doing the same to me?
Her tears eventually slowed down, but she kept shaking. ‘The next night we left. I got some of our things and did a runner - must have left a lot behind, including what you found when you were there. I kept having those thoughts, to go back, but I don’t think they completed whatever they were trying to do, cause I was able to fight everything off. We caught an early morning train out of Pryham and stayed in a hotel for a little bit, until I could get us a better place.’
My voice croaked as I asked the question I was waiting to.
‘Mum, why can’t I remember any of this? I remember Dad a little, and remember most of primary - but I don’t remember us ever living in that house, or Tom’s family.’
She exhaled. ‘Yes. I thought you’d ask that.’ She shifted, the bed moving as she sat up further, drinking some more water. ‘I didn’t want you to remember. We were sleeping in the same room and I thought that the evocation might have effected you, might make you go back.’
‘We went to hypnotherapy. I told you it was a dentist’s appointment. I asked him to help you forget that period of time we were in the house.’ My face must have looked aghast, because she touched my shoulders, facing me toward her.
‘I’m so, so sorry dear - even more so now that I know you had to go back. My guess is that they’ve been using that ritual on you with the picture and clothes we left behind.’ Her brows furrowed, eyes watering as she took in my expression. ‘Em, I’m so sorry. Please say something.’
I could feel a huge sense of dread mixed with futility brew in my stomach. ‘It was for nothing. I met him again twelve years later and didn’t know who he was, what his family had done.’ My voice was barely a whisper at this point. ‘I didn’t let you meet him, when this whole time you could have stopped me.’
‘I’m so sorry mum. I should have been smarter. I can’t believe this.’
She consoled me, shooting my self-disgust down. ‘I could have pushed, too. Could have made you invite him over. But I was also lenient. It’s not your fault, please don’t blame yourself.’ I hugged her, feeling deja vu from the night before, after I fell into her arms.
She broke first, shifting backwards. ‘It’s weird though. Afterwards I didn’t get any calls from them, no communication or anything. I didn’t go anywhere near Pryham, put you in a school near us and tried to put it all behind me. When you started going out with him I was so happy - thought you’d have a better life than I did.’ She laughed bitterly. ‘It’s such a common name. Tom. I would have never guessed. His parents probably taught him what to do, and I guess he did.’
I nodded morosely. ‘I remember that he had gone out with a lot of girls before me - but he always said that I was the best, the one that got him to properly settle. His parents even said that I was the first girl I had brought home. They’d planned it out. And what worries me the most is that I - we- don’t know why. Why did they want me to come back?’
We looked at each other, realising that neither of us were closer to reaching an answer.
My phone took that exact moment to buzz, and, on reflex, I looked at it.
It was Tom, but a text. But, I noticed, whilst his calls were frequent, this was the only text he had sent me today.
My mum watched as I tapped on his name - the messaging was what had unnerved me more, to be honest, and I wanted to know what he was saying so I could have some peace. Ignoring my mum’s protests, I opened the chat.
You do know you still have your location on, right?
Part 5: Why does my boyfriend have things from my childhood in his house? (5) : nosleep (reddit.com)