I held my hands over my mouth as I hid, ever so subtly in the familiar darkness of the attic. If I were to make noise, I would be caught and… well, I didn’t want to imagine what followed after.
As the footsteps grew nearer, I closed my eyes praying the threat would pass. This ritual had never failed me, yet my body tensed as the terrifying outcomes remained a possibility.
I could be found despite my best efforts. I could be punished for something I didn’t do. I could be tortured for no real reason, other than to be an outlet for my family’s sadistic tendencies. What the hell was I even alive for? There was no such thing as hope in this ‘warm’ house.
After a few seconds, I felt a hand on my shoulder. “Ben? Ben.”
I snapped my eyes open, jolting awake to see Sophie standing over me. She looked intrigued. I had managed to fall asleep, having to revisit an old nightmare.
“Good morning Ben, you were sleeping with such a pained expression. A bad dream, I presume?”
I sighed, grateful the nightmare was over. Because of last night’s discussion, I couldn’t exactly stay mad at Sophie. She was a bit of a dick, but it turned out she wasn’t actually in control of her own duties. “You could have knocked you know?”
“That I did. You were not responding, so I was forced to wake you up. I believe you are now familiar with your morning routine?” She stood up and headed for the door.
“Wait, I… have something to say.” She turned around with a neutral look. I lowered my eyes to the floor as I took a deep breath.
“I’m sorry… I wasn’t aware of what was actually going on here. Eleanor informed me of your situation.” She was silent.
I, on the other hand, experienced a strange mix of emotions surfacing my mind. I felt anxious, as if I was going to be punished, since that is exactly what happened every time I used those words. A part of me however, felt… odd. When was the last time I genuinely apologized for something? I could not remember.
“It is of no concern, I did not take it personally. It is a stressful job after all.” She formed a smile.
After that wholesome exchange, Sophie proceeded to teach me about etiquette and general house management. Even while on the phone, I had to present myself properly. I did not enjoy learning about the duties of a butler, but it did keep me occupied. I felt as though I had gained a purpose, even though my true objective was to escape the following day.
“Tea is served.” I stated. This time I was a bit more cheerful.
“Thank you, Ben.” Eleanor looked at me as if she wanted to say something, so I decided to take a small risk.
“Wanna chat for a bit?” Her eyebrows rose up slightly and she nodded. A subtle change I wouldn’t usually notice, were it not for her normally expressionless face.
After properly apologizing for my attitude towards her, the conversation fell into silence. I wasn’t very good at socializing since I never really had any friends, and Eleanor seemed to share my awkwardness. Did she even want to talk to me? Maybe she was too polite to tell me to buzz off.
“I noticed you were holding a doll last night?” Was all I could come up with. She took a moment to ponder the question.
“Ah, you must be referring to this.” She pulled out the very same rag doll.
“This was a gift, from my late parents.” Great, I hit a landmine on my first try.
She appeared to notice my dismay. “It’s entirely fine to inquire Ben, it has been 15 years since they’ve passed. Truthfully, I barely remember them as is.”
I was intrigued. “Can you tell me what happened, if it’s alright with you?”
“…They were murdered by this mansion’s host.”
My eyes widened. “Host?… You mean that eyeball thing?”
“Indeed Ben. As it has no name, it wishes to be referred to as this mansion’s ‘host’. For it considers itself ‘responsible for entertaining the guests.’.” I gulped.
Who would believe that a person had to endure this much pain? Never in my whole life had I met someone dealing with that much baggage. She chose to open herself up to me, so it only felt right to do as well, even if it was just a little bit.
“You were wrong about something Eleanor. I’m not a kind person. Just now, a part of me felt relieved to find someone who has been through so much stuff. I believe only people with similar experiences can truly understand each other. Even if ours differ to an extent. If anything, you’re the kind one here.”
“No, Ben don’t say that. It may be required of me to hire a new butler, however at the end of the day, I have the final say in who gets the job or not. I chose you on purpose, knowing full well what you’ve endured.” She had mentioned this before, so it didn’t come as a surprise.
I had jumped to conclusions yesterday, so I took some time to think about her behavior so far. I concluded that there was something more to her words.
After a few seconds, I sighed. “You’re the kind one here. You chose me since I don’t have a family so as to not hurt anyone else, right? You were certain I would die just like the previous butlers here, so you picked me since nobody would even care if I died.”
My words were very sincere to say the least, but I felt nothing. It was the simple truth that nobody would notice nor care if I died, albeit a sad truth.
“Not to mention, you clearly feel guilty about all of this, and you’ve already apologized, so screw it. I forgive you.” She was speechless.
God knows what she may have heard from the previous butlers coming here. They probably cursed her for deceiving and condemning them to die in this mansion. In addition, she had to live with the fact that she couldn’t do a single thing to help them, as she watched them die a horrible death.
“Ben, you’re also mistaken about one thing,” I raised an eyebrow.
“I would mind if you died.” My heart skipped a beat against her confession.
“Sophie and Nolan as well.”
I tried my best to hide my embarrassment. “Well enough about me, I am a butler after all, so I’m here if you need anything.” At least for the time being.
“Likewise Ben, you may depend on me as well.” A faint smile formed on her face. I was startled.
“Is there something the matter?”
“No uhh, first time I’ve seen you smile, is all.” This caused her to blush as she dismissively waved her hand.
“Enough Ben, surely you have other duties to attend to.” She avoided eye contact, pretending to be composed. What a woman.
This has been quite a day so far. I feel like I’ve gotten closer with both Eleanor and Sophie and surprisingly, I haven’t been attacked at all, with night drawing nearer. Maybe today will be peaceful? The phone ringing brought me back to reality as I picked it up.
“Hello?”
“Ben, it’s Sophie. Could you take a moment to come down to the cellar? I require some assistance in moving some boxes.”
“The cellar?” I questioned, as an important rule almost instantly came to mind. Rule 3: The cellar is strictly off limits.
“Did you forget rule 3? We’re not supposed to be down there.” There’s no way Sophie would forget the rules.
I started growing uneasy as I doubted it was actually Sophie talking to me on the phone.
“Ben, there are certain exceptions to the rules. This specific rule stands as long as you do not have a proper reason for entering the cellar. In this case, work requires us to do so.” After hearing that explanation, my tension mostly faded, although part of me still wasn’t sure if it was her.
“Incidentally… where did the call etiquette I mentioned earlier go?”
Yup, that was Sophie alright, always twisting the knife.
“My apologies, I will head there right now.”
I glanced around me, and nothing looked out of the ordinary. It seemed I was sparred this time, but I shouldn’t push my luck. Who knows what will happen if I accidentally misspeak the next time?
As I stepped into the cellar, I couldn’t help but once again be amazed at how spacious it was. The walls were lined with old wooden shelves stacked with dusty boxes and various artifacts. The air was thick with an earthy scent, hinting at the age of the place. Dimly lit bulbs flickered intermittently, casting eerie shadows across the expansive room.
I looked around trying to locate Sophie as I walked further in.
“Sophie?” I called, my voice echoing in the enclosed space. No response.
I stopped, as my attention centered towards a door seemingly out of place. It looked old and deteriorated with many locks and chains covering it. Strange symbols I hadn’t seen before, were inscribed on its surface with red paint emphasizing their meaning, whatever the hell that could be.
My worries increased as I started to fear for the worse. With Sophie nowhere to be seen, I quickly paced towards the door I came from. Please don’t let this be what I think it is. As I opened the door, I was blinded by a sudden overwhelming light enveloping the whole cellar.
As my eyes readjusted, I felt as if I had lost weight. No… not just weight, height as well. I had grown smaller, my clothes had changed as-. Huh?
I looked around me, carefully scanning every single inch of the building.
“Haah.” My heart started to race as the world around me spun.
“Haaaah.” It was my home, the orphanage I had spent almost my whole life in, in all its entirety. All the misery, all the pain, came out in an instant. I couldn’t stop it.
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, running out of breath shortly after.
It was as if someone was choking me. Over and over, I attempted to breathe yet no air would come in, no matter how hard I tried. My heart rate skyrocketed as I desperately strived to get air in my distressed lungs.
I closed my eyes, trying to concentrate with every fiber of my being. This isn’t real, this isn’t real, this isn’t real, this isn’t real, this isn’t real, this isn’t rea-
“Ben, what have I told you about skipping prayer?” A familiar voice said behind me.
To my sheer terror, I was in the presence of the person I hated the most in the entire world. The main source of all my unhappiness, all my despair. It was all her. Sister Catherine.
Before I got the chance to respond, a strong kick landed in my gut. I curled up from the pain and combined with my nausea, I threw up, a mixture of blood and puke spewed on the floor.
She looked at me in disgust. “Now look at what you’ve done, I’m going to have to clean this up again.”
She crouched beside me. “What do we say when we’ve done something wrong Ben? Hm?”
I hopelessly tried to get the words out of my mouth. If I didn’t, she would only keep going until I complied. “I-I… I’m sorry.” I whimpered as I bawled my eyes out.
“LOUDER BENJAMIN, LOUDER!” She yanked my hair, almost to the point of pulling it out.
“I’M SORRY, I’M SORRY, I’M SORRY!” I repeatedly cried out, so that my pain would end.
She suddenly changed her tone. “Ben… what is that hanging from your neck? Is that what I think it is?” She closely inspected my necklace.
It was my father’s ‘dog tag’. To me, it was the most precious thing in the entire world and at the same time, a grave reminder of my imprisonment. My father had gone to war and my mother had killed herself when I was only a baby. With no relatives, it was the cruel reality that I was left all alone in this miserable world.
“I believe I have repeatedly told you to get rid of it. You’re just itching for a beating today, aren’t you?” She tried to remove it from my neck.
I bit her fingers and she threw me to the ground.
That was the one thing I couldn’t allow her to take from me. She had taken both my freedom and my happiness, however, that tag remained my one hope. If my father were to return, I could give it back to him. We could even go back to being a family, just the two of us. Sister Catherine’s face contorted with anger. I really did it this time. I burst into a sprint as I headed for my safe haven.
It was the one place where no pain would reach me, a sanctuary of sorts that I had discovered in this hellhole. I had to get there at all costs, because if she were to catch me, she would beat me half to death and then force me to sleep outside in the cold.
This was not the first time my life was threatened in this place, yet I was unable to adapt to the sheer agony I was experiencing almost on a daily basis. Every blow would draw blood, and my body would swell in protest as if I was being injured for the first time.
Running past the many rooms in the orphanage, all kinds of fucked up memories were flashing before my eyes. The other kids had it bad as well, but I was their favorite. I never understood why they targeted me so much. Even treating the other kids better just to piss me off. To the outside, this orphanage was a blessing. A refuge for abandoned children, in need of love and care.
“God considers all, His family.” Sister Catherine would say in an interview. The same evening, she would whip me with a belt because I didn’t like the food.
“This warm house, was built solely for the purpose of providing a family to children who have been malnourished of love.” She would give me a black eye for not appreciating prayer time.
If God actually existed, he was one fucked up individual. Was my birth a sin? Was that the cause of my suffering?
I wished I could be a soldier like my father, fighting in my own battlefield. Soldiers don’t cry, they only strive to live another day, while overcoming the obstacles ahead of them. Dad… I wonder what you would say if you saw your son brutally beat to a pulp, laying in a pool of his own vomit.
I hate you dad. Why the hell did you have a son if you would just abandon him to go fight another man’s war? It didn’t matter how much I was hurt, if only I could see you again. The attic was almost in reach. I would always hide there until sister Catherine calmed down, even sleeping there most of the time. That place had become my second home within hell. Perhaps that’s why I lasted for so long.
As I dashed through the attic door, the earlier blinding light surged back with full force. I had returned to the mansion’s dimly lit hallway, the cloudy night sky emphasizing its darkness. The moon was nowhere to be seen. My body had also reverted back to an adult.
I started crying hysterically once more, rolling to the floor as if I remained a child throwing a tantrum. I didn’t know how to get rid of my immense grief. My wounds had healed, but my soul felt as if it had been ripped to shreds.
After a few minutes, I heard footsteps rapidly approaching. I lifted my head to see Eleanor facing my direction. The surprise snapped me out of my explosive emotions. My eyes were impaired by the darkness, but I was certain she looked at me as if pitying my wretched state.
“Don’t look at me.” I muttered, my voice sounding beyond hoarse at this point.
“If you say even a single word, I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it. Please… leave me alone.” I covered my face with my hands.
I wanted this moment to be erased from existence. While I did appreciate her concern for me, I couldn’t accept that expression. I had met a lot of people who made that very same expression, all of whom followed the same pattern.
They knew what I was going through, but they didn’t help me. They only pretended to care but ran off as soon as they came into contact with my despair. They cast me aside, leaving me to rot from the disease called ‘misfortune’. They were hypocrites, each and every one of them.
She slowly stepped towards me. “No… PLEASE, STAY BACK! I’M BEGGING YOU!” I crawled backwards, my back hitting the wall.
Eleanor’s figure started to resemble that of sister Catherine’s. Reality and past were blending together in an unrecognizable amalgamation of confusion and suffering. I couldn’t tell what was real or fake anymore…
With nowhere left to run, I had to apologize, otherwise she would punish me. She would hit me relentlessly unless I apologized properly. “I’M SORRY, I’M SORRY… please don’t hit me…” I pleaded, as I closed my eyes, bracing for the pain.
As she finally reached me, my whole body tensed as I prepare-
A warm sensation I was unable to recognize enveloped my upper body. I felt like I was being squeezed, but not too tightly. It was rather weird. My nose caught the scent of lavender as I felt something soft brush against my left cheek and the back of my neck. It was almost ticklish yet smooth and silky.
I slowly opened my eyes, discovering the source of all those unknown sensations. Ah, I was being hugged. An act of intimacy I had never experienced in my whole life. Sure, I had seen it before, openly expressed in public. Hugs, kisses, holding hands, all of these were foreign to me.
I had always believed that hugs, or rather touching in general, were a privilege for those who weren’t as unfortunate as me. The only touch I ever received was from the beatings in the orphanage and the grip of that giant. Handshakes were one thing, but hugs were completely different.
After a few seconds, my body began to tremble anew. I was unable to control it, and I wasn’t sure what I was experiencing. This caused Eleanor to tighten her grasp on me. While my mind had calmed down to an extent, my body had other plans.
It was then I was confronted with an unexpected truth about myself. I despised being touched.
Thinking back on it, I could barely hold on to that little girl for more than a few seconds.
I took a deep breath. “Can you let go of me now? I’m fine.” I whispered, as I regained a bit of composure.
I got no response. “Hey…” I nudged her a bit on the shoulder.
“I’m sorry Ben…” She murmured.
“This is all I can do for you… I’m sorry.” Those words I despised saying, only a moment ago, were once again being directed at me.
I was unsure of how to respond to this situation, so I reluctantly sat there until she felt satisfied. At that moment I wondered, was she the one comforting me? Or was I the one comforting her? I had no clue.
I assumed about 10 minutes had passed when she finally let go. I assured her everything was fine and headed back to my cherished attic. I desperately needed to rest. As I prepared to lay down, a familiar face appeared from the darkness, or instead, it would be more appropriate to say a familiar eye.
The host had come to visit me. “Good evening, Ben! I do hope I’m not intruding.”
“What the hell do you want?” I said, glaring at it.
“Why, a moment of your time! That was quite the performance you put on downstairs.”
Anger grew within me. “That was your doing? You fucking bastard.”
“Such harsh words. Although, I must confess, I was not expecting you to be such a sad pathetic orphan.”
My eyes widened. “What did you just call me?”
‘Orphan.’ I despised that adjective with every fiber of my being. Back when I was in school, I was bullied for growing up as I did and whenever I heard that word, I would go nuts. Of course, my reputation only went downhill, and sister Catherine would have none of it.
“Are you suffering from hearing impairment as well Ben? I wonder if you would be able to hear that failure of a father call out to you.”
I took a step forward. “Shut up.”
“Maybe he would feel regret once he saw what a disappointment you had become. Or perhaps, he wouldn’t even come back at all! For all I know, he could have started a new family as well!”
I was already mentally exhausted from earlier and once I heard those words, I couldn’t hold back.
“I SAID SHUT UP!” In a fit of rage, I picked up a nearby wooden chair and threw it towards the eye with full force.
The host took the hit head on, completely unfazed.
“Lovely.” It said, sounding satisfied by my retaliation. It was then I instantly regretted my decision as a rule flashed in my head. “Rule 1: Violence is strictly prohibited between fellow members of the mansion.”
Before I could react, multiple arms stretched out from the darkness, swiftly restraining me in place. It became painfully clear that this fucking creature provoked me in order to break a rule. How the hell was I going to get out of this one? I tried my best to break free but couldn’t.
After chuckling for a few seconds as if to mock me, it continued. “Oh Ben, spare me that gaze. After all, you and I are more alike than you think.”
“I’M NOTHING LIKE YOU! LET GO OF ME!” I was on the verge of a panic attack as its many hands held a strong grip all over my body.
“On the contrary, our objectives align my dear. That is, to survive and escape this prison. Would you consider making a trade with me? Or would you prefer we proceed?”
As it said that, beneath the eye, a giant mouth formed within the wall, with an ungodly number of teeth.
“What kind of trade are you talking about?…”
The mouth formed into a smile. “Ah, I knew you would understand Ben! It is a straightforward proposition: I want you to retrieve something for me, and in return, you will exit this attic with your life intact.”
“…What is it?”
“As you’re already aware, my actions are very much restricted outside the context of these accursed rules. Conveniently, you and Nolan are planning an excursion tomorrow, aren’t you?”
I clenched my jaw. It was already aware of our plan before we even executed it.
“You will be heading to a cabin in order to acquire supplies for the mansion. You will play your part by placing a package I have concealed nearby within the supply crates. Very simple indeed!”
What the hell was it planning? I couldn’t possibly comprehend what that creature was thinking. Despite that, I didn’t want to die. Maybe I could pretend to agree and simply escape tomorrow? After all it couldn’t do anything unless I broke the rules.
“You just considered deceiving me, didn’t you Ben? Your face reveals more than you are aware of. That being said, the usual handshake simply won’t be enough to sign this agreement.”
I started feeling despair as I was being treated like a puppet, completely devoid of any control. I braced myself for what it was about to do.
“I believe you have seen it once, haven’t you? Those incomprehensible words I exchanged with Eleanor.
That is what one calls a pact. A soul contract if you will. Once those words are spoken, death will be bestowed to the one who violates the agreed conditions.
On that note, I have another condition to add: You are not allowed to share this pact with our fellow mansion staff. Now, repeat after me.”
After I finished repeating those words, I felt a surging heat concentrating around my heart. That must be the sign the pact was complete.
“And with that, I bid you goodnight Ben. Rest well, for you have earned it.” The host retreated to the darkness, disappearing from view. What the hell had I just done? Never mind that, I was escaping tomorrow no matter what.
The thought of the host watching me as I slept kept me from resting, so I decided a change of scenery was necessary.