I’ve been wanting to tell this story to someone for a while. I would’ve told it sooner, but I was worried that by writing about it, it would bring back a part of me I had buried a long time ago. I’m not a writer, so please excuse any grammatical errors.
I guess, this story begins with Kathy, Kathy Lee Carpenter. She had blonde-brownish hair, was skinny, freckled, and was a pleasant person. However, it was public knowledge that Kathy’s home life wasn’t great. Her mom was an alcoholic, and she would regularly hit her daughter. To the naked eye, her mom seemed like the usual abusive parent. but I believe Mrs. Carpenter was just another factor in Kathy’s life. A factor that would make Kathy do things—things that I’ll talk about soon—
The first time I had ever heard of Kathy Carpenter was in my freshman year of high school. Me and my two friends at the time (Carl and Mitch) were sitting outside during our lunch period. We were talking, shooting the shit. Sometime near the end of the period, we saw a group of girls marching in front of us. They appeared to be following one girl (who I would later find out was Kathy)
These girls were yelling things at Kathy, things I or my two friends couldn’t hear. We watched as the girls followed closely behind Kathy. Keep in mind, this entire time we think it’s a fight or something, so we’re kind of pumped up.
Kathy eventually sat down against the brick wall of the school, and started crying. All the while, the group of 20 or so girls surrounded her, yelling things at her. I couldn’t see much, and neither could Carl or Mitch. Suddenly, the group of girls stepped back (as if something had made them jump)
The crowd of kids that had surrounded the girls had stepped back too. All the while, I was still thinking that this was some sort of fight.
Suddenly one of the teachers (I can’t remember her name) came out and walked toward Kathy, (who was still sitting against the wall, in tears.
Me and a crowd of other kids watched, as the teacher helped a sobbing Kathy up, and walked her inside the school.
I could remember the teacher yelling, “You should be ashamed of yourselves!” at us.
After Kathy was taken inside, the crowd started to whisper. Me and my friends had no idea what had just happened, so we went inside. And after talking to some of our pears, we soon found out what Kathy had done while she was outside crying.
It turns out, Kathy and a boy (Kian Smith) had done something in the toilets together. We were all like 14, so, everyone made a big deal about this. Anyway, Kian had apparently gone and told a lot of people about what he and Kathy did. And, from what I’ve been told, a group of girls started following Kathy around, and teasing her about it. I don’t know word for word what they said to her, but it was bad, considering what she did next. While Kathy was sitting against that wall crying, she took out something from her pocket, something sharp. I think, it was either a razorblade or a small knife. I think when the group of girls saw what Kathy was holding, ,they stepped back. Kathy cut herself, I don’t know where, but she cut herself. And I’m guessing one of the girls ran inside and got the teacher.
Me and my friends went back outside. We saw the red crimson blood that was spilt on the concreate floor. I felt, horrible. I had been excited to see a fight, when in truth, what we were all cheering at was a girl, who was about to cut herself.
There was also a rumour, that said Kathy was not only trying to cut herself. but that she was also trying to- trying to- commit suicide.
That evening, I told my mom what had happened today at lunch. Being the sympathetic woman that she was, she expressed her sorry for Kathy and told me to tell her immediately! if I ever had feelings to do what she did. At that age, my mind didn’t comprehend how serious the thing I had witnessed was, It would eventually, though.
Time passed, I was now 17 years old. It was spring brake. Me, and Carl were hanging out at his place watching YouTube when Mitch knocked on Carl’s front door. A few hours ago, Mitch did mention he would be coming over, and that he would be bringing someone (he had recently started talking to) with him. But when Carl opened the door, he saw Mitch standing there, with Kathy Lee Carpenter. Me and Carl had dropped out of school early to focus on work shit. Mitch didn’t, and he was in his junior year. Because most of Mitch’s friends had either left school or gone to college, he really didn’t have anyone to hang out with during the school day. I guess he and Kathy started talking and became friends?
Anyways, Carl and I happily welcomed Kathy into our small group. She even became close with one of our other friends! (Felix)
They even briefly dated for a few days. They broke up because Felix became uninterested over time.
Kathy and I had grown close by the end of the spring, and, (like Felix) me and Cathy began dating. We got along well, and we had a good relationship.
My mom works at an office that manages people’s money. To be honest, I don’t know how the job works, but I worked with her. I would open letters and sort them into piles and type down numbers on a computer.
On this particular day, it was my first time in the office with her. This entire year, I had just been working from home (I didn’t like being around people)
About six hours into my shift, I got a text from Kathy.
When I read what she had sent, I felt my stomach drop…
“Goodbye, I’ll always love you,” with two love hearts at the end.
Now, I knew She had problems with self harm and depression. I had, I had seen her cut her wrists before when I was over her house one time. I think the part that disturbed me the most about this was, she showed no emotion when explaining to me why her arms and wrists were covered in blood. And I knew she had tried to commit suicide at least twice already. So when I read that message, I was in shock.
I instantly spammed her with texts! and when she didn’t respond to those, I told my mom (who was technically my manager) that I needed to use the restroom.
I dashed to the restroom after she said okay. I called Kathy about ten or nine times I think?
After she didn’t answer any of those times, I called Carl, who was out with some of our other friends. He answered instantly, and I asked him if he had heard from Kathy at all. And he said he had also received a message from her saying the same as the message she sent me. I hung up and tried calling her again!
No answer.
I sent her a few more messages and went back to my desk. I tried to relax for a few minutes, but I couldn’t. Kathy had been living at home alone this whole time because her mom was in the hospital. Kathy could take care of herself just fine, but there was no one there to stop her from hurting herself.
I couldn’t take it. I lied again that I needed the restroom, and I checked my phone in the restrooms. no messages. but, after a few seconds of waiting, she called me. I picked up instantly!
I asked her if she was OK. and what did she do?
It turns out. Kathy took a tub of pills. and ingested 60 of them. She told me they were morphine pills.
She told me that her stomach hurt a little but that she was fine.
By some miracle, she was OK. But, the whole time she was explaining this, she seemed totally calm. That’s really what’s stuck with me until today.
My memory gets a bit fuzzy here, so bear with me.
I can’t remember much of what happened after we spoke. But when me and my mom got home, I called Kathy, and we talked. Kathy said that she would be going to the hospital soon with her Nanna. And get this, when her Nanna found out what she had done. She went to go run errands with another person of Kathy’s family because Kathy apparently “should endure the pain for being a dumbass.”
Those were her Nanna’s real words!
But, when she did arrive at the hospital, she was ok. They had to pump her stomach, and she wasn’t able to eat for a day or two. The doctor said that if this happened again, she would have to be put in a ward. But she was fine…
I told her everything, I said I loved her, and she could talk to me about anything! and that, if she ever felt like doing that again, she would come to me and tell me.
Our relationship lasted about a week after that. Nothing bad happened between us at all, we just drifted apart. And she told me she wanted to rekindle her relationship with one of her ex-boyfriends.
After a few months, I began e-dating. Me and this girl were the same age, and we met through an online group chat. Her name was Emma. We had a good start, and she reminded me in many ways of Kathy. However, one day. She messaged the group chat, saying: “I love you all, but goodbye.”
Since Kathy tried to commit suicide, I have only just begun to feel the effects of what an incident like that can leave you with. Reading that message, made me think of what Kathy did to herself. Things went eerily similar to how they went with Kathy. I spammed Emma with calls and texts. She didn’t answer any of them until much later. She said she had taken a lot of pills (I don’t know what pills). I begged her to tell her family (who were in the other room at the time)
She kept saying that she didn’t want to live and that she wanted to die.
I think that’s when I lost it. I felt my palms sweat and my head go into this daze.
I got out of bed, and walked robotically towards the kitchen. I grabbed the huge chef’s knife out of the block. I had no emotions, I didn’t feel sadness or joy as the cold steel slashed through my right wrist. I sat down against the kitchen cabinet. I felt relief wash over me as I sliced my left arm open and the warm, crimson blood ran across the kitchen floor. A memory flashed through my mind at that moment. It was a memory of Kathy as she sat helplessly against the brick wall of our high school, which we no longer attended. I felt at peace as I began to feel drowsy.
I blacked out for an hour or so, and I awoke at the hospital. My mom had come home from work and found me blacked out on the kitchen floor. The doctors said I was lucky to survive. My mom was both pissed and horrified, and she didn’t leave my side for the four days I was kept in the hospital.
I got therapy, and I tried to push this all down. It kind of worked, and I moved on with my life.
I’m 21 now. I’m writing this because people need to know. Suicide is a serious problem, especially among teenagers. I guess that’s why I’m going to become a therapist once I leave college. I guess this is the end of this story, but it feels so good that I’ve finally told it.
And Kathy, wherever you are in the world, I still care about you deeply, and you deserve a long and fulfilling life. And always remember, You matter to people.
-Tyler Jenkins.