It was just an average rainy Wednesday as I made my way back home from the grocery store. As I rounded a blue Sudan to reach my car I hear something like a mewl of a cat. I’ve had cats before, so I knew one when I heard it. I put my groceries into the car quickly and dropped to my knees to look under the car itself. Nothing there, I tried the car next to me, nothing either. I stood up and brushed off my pants giving a huff and heard it again even closer this time. After head bobbing for a bit getting angles on every car in my sight, I saw it. A small grey tabby cat sitting on the edge of one of the parking spot bumpers. I sighed in relief for finally finding it and crouched down cooing at it to come to me. It trotted over quickly and rubbed against my hand, making an odd mewling sound once again. I say odd because it sounded guttural, like this cat had a sinus issue or throat problem.
Judging from the look of it I assumed it was a stray, but most likely a stray that was fed often from how friendly it was. It was ratty and obviously hungry, to which I couldn’t stand by and leave it be. It let me pick it up without a fuss and meowed that guttural sound again. Reminded me of a dog growling softly mixed with one of those toy kid microphones that makes noise echo. When we got home all was fine. My partner was angry I brought home the cat, but only slightly so, they knew I couldn’t leave the poor thing and neither would they. We fed it and put it in our back office room for the night. I was actually allergic to cats, but I couldn’t help loving them and settled into bed sneezing my head off, but happy I did my good deed for the day. I’d be taking the kitty to the vet the next day, but knowing what I do now, I should have killed the damn thing.
I woke up that night to the sound of a low thud. I was a light sleeper, my partner very much able to sleep through a hurricane. I sat up and jumped through my skin at the shadow at the foot of the bed, but as I blinked with my inhale of shock the shadow wasn’t as large as I believed it was and was simply the cat. I wiped my sweating forehead and let out a shaky chuckle.
“God you scared the shit out of me cat.” I said to the cat as a slow realization started moving through my sleepy mind.
There was enough light in the room to make out the cat for sure, it’s grey fur, the dull green eyes, it’s white teeth, but something was off. It wasn’t moving. It was just starting at me with eyes pulled open as far as it could look, but it’s pupils were at pinpoints, not large like usual when in the dark. They were shining more than any cats eyes I had ever seen. Reflecting the light back at me without movement. That was odd enough, but what started a cold shiver up my spine was it’s mouth, opened slightly and curled in a twisted yowl of a smile. For a moment I thought it might shriek at me, but no movement or sound came and it continued to stare at me unmoving and seemingly not even alive, though everything else was telling me it was. I was throughly getting freaked out by sitting there for several moments and I took my hand to wave at it’s face. Nothing. It didn’t even flinch. I took part of my blanket and tossed it lightly over at it, nothing either. It was still fixated on my eyes as I also felt compelled not to look away. I slowly got out of bed while watching it and it’s first signs of movement were shown as it’s eyes and head moved along with my own, still watching me with that messed up toothy cat grin. Maybe this cat had rabies? Maybe it was dying? All these thoughts started going through my head until I had finally felt the need to blink. I don’t remember what happened after that, but I can only assume it was horrific.
The next time I woke up I was laying on the ground. My eyes felt goopy and stuck, like I sometimes got after having a bad allergy day and when I finally got them open, the sunlight burned like crazy. I blinked away my tears and tried to focus and get up, but something was immediately very very wrong. My legs felt completely wrong, my arms not working properly, everything was twisting the wrong way. After panicking for a moment I laid there and took a look at my body. I couldn’t believe what I saw as I frantically looked around the room coming to realize where I was. I was in my back office room, on the ground, the furniture was much larger than it should be, but I was slowly realizing I was much smaller than I used to be. I had turned into a cat. Surely I must be dreaming, but a flash of that cat’s face was back in my head once again as I struggled to get to my feet. I realized with my first steps as a cat that my new hands and feet were the same color as the cat I had brought home. I was panicking again, my heart pounding, blood rushing to my head, I called out in fear and was horrified to hear just a cat’s yowl. My heart sank as I heard noises from behind my office door. Surely to god my partner would find me, but could I convince them what happened? My thoughts were rushing from option to option, a tablet, a phone, would I be able to write with a cat’s mouth? I sat in silence mulling it over until I heard the noise again. It was someone coming to the door. I think I lost some of my sanity when the door opened and it was me.
My body was staring down at me, same as I was yesterday, with a smile on my face.
“Oh yeah kitty did you eat? We have a special day for you today!” My body said in my voice, just as I would have said it myself.
I froze in fear. I didn’t know what to do and as my body picked me up I became as rigid as possible. What happens if I hurt my body? Would I still feel it? What is inside me? Am I the imposter? Was I cloned as a cat somehow? All these questions flooded my poor spinning brain as my partner came in and told my body something about lunch after the vet visit. My body gave an answer and I gave as many yowls of pleading I could at my partner who stepped back in surprise. My tail was instantly crushed by my bodies hand and pain shot through my cat body in an instant. I stopped and panically looked up and saw my bodies eyes. Where blue eyes once were there were now black pupils staring straight through me. I was paralyzed with fear.
“Whoa what got into your cat?” My partner asked concerned.
My body smiles and gave an answer I would give and put me into a crate. I now knew there was something in my body and it wasn’t going to allow me to get help. I could only pray and try to calm down as I was driven to the vet’s office. Hoping to god I didn’t have a cat disease that would get me euthanized and hoping that my partner stayed close by so this thing would continue to act like me.
The vet visit was uncomfortable, but overall no worse than what predicament I was already in. The cat body was healthy, just underweight, and the thing acted like me throughout the whole ordeal. I was even adopted by it, which I don’t know if that’s good or bad yet. I’m hoping good for me, since I can be close to my body and hope I can do something about this situation. I realized how mistaken I was when we got back home. My partner had to go to the store, my body gave an average response and farewell as they left. As a cat I was under the couch, listening and waiting, trying to figure more things out. It only took three seconds after the door closed for my hell to begin.
In what seemed like extreme speed my body was on the ground, face pressed against the carpet looking me in the eyes. My bodies face was twisted into a toothy manic smile with it’s pupils going back to pitch black. My hair was standing on end and I wanted to run, but as I moved it moved with me. The same thing, same smile, same eyes, matching my every movement. I closed my eyes and reopened them, it hadn’t moved. I darted to the underside of a table, and it chased me, getting as close to my face as the table would allow it to with the same manic expression. I was petrified and I just stayed in place. It never made a sound, it just kept staring into my soul. I tried to look away most of the time, just allowing my peripheral vision to keep an eye on it. It never moved unless I tried to get away, but although that gave me the smallest amount of relief, the feeling of it watching me freaked me out to my core. I was crying inside, as I remembered cats can’t cry from sadness, and I realized too late that somehow, in all of this, I was wheezing a bit like I did from allergies. If I was still allergic to cats even as a cat, would it make me feel even more like myself?
It’s been three months since I became a cat. My body makes the best out of my time. When being watched or having obligations it reacts like the best me it can be. Never late for work, always keeping the house clean and orderly, never getting upset, and always saying the right things. I can tell my partner has noticed the change in emotions, but doesn’t seem too keen in why. I’ve given up for now in trying to get their attention to the truth as my body makes up the remainder of all its spare time watching me. Whenever it’s not being viewed by another human it will follow me as closely as possible with the same expression. I’ve tried talking to it, but it doesn’t respond. If I act outside of what a normal cat would do, it attacks me. Hitting me, kicking me, grabbing my tail, making loud noises, anything to stop me from what I’m doing. If I act like a cat, it treats me like a cat. Cooing, petting me, feeding me cat food and treats, and otherwise acts as I would. Though again that’s only when being viewed by humans. No matter what, if its not being viewed by others and we’re alone, it’ll continue its staring and following.
I’ve gone through many stages of grief at this point. If this cat body is three years old then I have over ten years to deal with this fate. To this day I still have no opportunities to make an escape or ask for help. It always seems to know, even when it’s away from me, what I’m doing. As I sit here on the coffee table writing this with clunky paws, it stares and I ignore it as best I can. It doesn’t seem to care I’m typing out my story, I wonder if it’ll care if i post it.
I just tried to type our address and got hit off the table, so I’m going to assume it knows when I ask for help anytime I move into action. We seem to be linked in some way. This is my purgatory or my hell on earth it seems. Perhaps nature was warning me of my fate with my cat allergy. Telling me to stay away from them, it would only leave me miserable. Did you know that this thing doesn’t even sleep? Every night I have to sleep with it watching me, because no one else is watching it.
Who watches the girl watching the cat? Is it the girl inside the cat or the demon inside the girl?
I’m worried I’ll become less myself over time, I can already feel it as I live the life of a cat. I’d ask you to help me, but this perfect hell is one of my making and I can only hope one day something takes pity on me or I put in enough time of penitence for whatever I’ve done to deserve this fate.
Be wary of stray cats.
You never know what they’re carrying.