We never had a convenient relationship. When we started dating he moved and we didn’t see each other for almost a year, yet we only lived an hour apart. I always offered to take the drive myself but he always refused.
“There isn’t anything to do up here”
“I’m tired”
“I have school”
“I’m busy”
He never made time for me.
He wouldn’t give me his address so I couldn’t send him gifts, I couldn’t surprise him, I couldn’t do anything with him.
Eventually I got tired of waiting for him. I decided to call one of his friends and I found out his address. I packed a few days of clothes and I got in my car and I went to him.
I passed the broad fields of wheat and corn, cattle, ducks, horses, and goats. The roads were so calming.
An hour later I was finally at his apartment. I parked my car and grabbed my bag. I hiked up each flight of stairs after the other.
One
Two
Three
I stood in front of his door. I tried to go in but it was locked. That’s good, he’s being safe. I pressed my ear up to the door and couldn’t hear a rustle. I know he keeps a spare key under the doormat.
I pressed my body against the door and slowly opened it. I scanned the apartment and didn’t see anyone inside. I closed the door and locked it. His apartment was surprisingly nice. He never had a good taste in decorations, or furniture at that, so I suppose one of his friends helped him.
I find his bedroom and I slide my bag under his bed. Something stopped it from going completely under. Did my bag hit something?
I lean under the bed and see it. She looks like a mannequin. The plastic is smooth and the eyes are such a pretty painted blue. Theres a few red stains on her, but I bet I could clean them off.
The mannequin is surprisingly heavy, or maybe they’re all this weight. I’ve never had to mess with one before. I set her in the bathroom. I grab peroxide and a rag and start to wipe her off.
Her plastic starts to feel a little rough, grainy to the touch. Oh no did I mess her up? I hope he isn’t too mad at me.
I clean whatever I can off and I set her on top of his bed.
I cover her with a blanket and admire her. She looks so beautiful. I can’t help but feel her. I’m not perverted, but the touch of her plastic is relaxing. It’s so human like. I wonder if it was expensive. I just stroke her arm. I lay beside her in bed.
I’m almost asleep when the door opens. I forgot to turn off the lights. He’ll be mad at me.
My love walks into the room and he stops. I smile at him.
He looks upset.
“What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to surprise you!”
He looks at the mannequin beside me. “Babe listen-“ but I don’t let him finish.
“Oh my love I understand, she’s beautiful. You are such an amazing boyfriend how could I stay mad at such a small thing?” I pat the bed, wanting him to sit.
He sits down but he seems stiff. “Mabel, I told you that when I’m up here I need my space”
“What?”
“Mabel, please don’t start with that stuff again.”
I look at him. He’s hurting my feelings. “This is the first time in a year, since we’ve been dating, that we’ve seen each other..” I feel my lip quiver.
“Stop! Stop that bullshit. Mabel, what’s wrong with you?” He stands up. “I come up here a few weeks every other month. You always do this!”
I feel tears starting to form. “What?”
He runs his fingers through his hair. He’s so beautiful. His lips move but I can only focus on his face.
“What?”
“God damnit, shut up! Stop saying what! It’s always what, what, what.” He moves towards me, but backs away just as soon.
“I’m sorry you’re upset with me, I shouldn’t have come up here.”
He sighs. He walks towards the mannequin and peals the blanket away. “Baby, I’m sorry for yelling. You know I love you. Why don’t you help me?”
Oh he brings such joy into my heart. “Of course I will, I love you.”
I sit beside my love all night, helping him deconstruct her. He brought a bucket from the kitchen, a few cups, and a knife. His knife removes the plastic with little resistance. He carefully cuts away at the tendons. He demonstrates how to remove them without damage. He uses the cups to catch the liquid that runs from the deconstructed pieces. He let’s me break the bolts that run all throughout her once she is empty. I get to put the ruined plastic that once encased her into bags.
I look at the mannequin and I caress her skin. My love has the best taste, but I scrunch my nose from the smell of iron.
They always smell like iron, maybe it’s the brand. Soon we are done and he holds me in bed. His warm hand rests on my cheek. He always gets so sad when we are done. He must love it when we do activity together so much.
“I love you, Mabel, so much. Everything I do is for you.”
“I love you too, you mean everything to me. I’m sorry to ask for another thing, after everything you’ve done for me, but will you get me a drink?”
He nods and leaves the room. He soon returns with a glass for me.
“Fresh off the vine,” he smiles. He must be happy.
I take the glass and I drink it. It’s been so long since I’ve had a fresh drink. It stains my teeth red, just a little. He laughs when I smile at him and he leans down to kiss me. I pull him down onto the bed and he wraps his arms around me.
“I love you so much” he whispers. I smile at the affection.
His hand returns to my cheek. I see tears in his eyes and I know.
“Promise you’ll keep me forever, please.”
He nods.
“Out loud, please” I beg.
“I promise I’ll keep you forever.” His hand slips down to my neck and his thumb becomes parallel to his fingers. My head hits the pillow. He sits above me and slides his other hand onto my neck.
I feel tears falling. The air is starting to get thick, but I don’t fight him. He isn’t trying to hurt me.
He loves me.
It’s true what they say about seeing black spots. I hold his hand, and using the last of my air I whisper, “I’ll stay with you.”
Then I fell asleep, but not before I heard a loud slam and people yelling. I wondered if my boyfriend was alright.
But then I wake up.
I wake up. I wake up next to my boyfriend and it is so cold. I try to cover him up but the blanket is so heavy. I feel heavy. My boyfriend lays towards the wall. He doesn’t look at me. I speak and ask him what’s wrong but he doesn’t look at me. I probably hurt his feelings.
“I’m sorry, my love.” I apologize.
Yet he ignores me. I will try to make it up to him. I get off of the bed and notice something strange. The room is much smaller. It is grey and looks rough. The bed is too small for two people, but I was laying right behind him. This confuses me. It makes my chest hurt.
And suddenly, I hear a voice. I look at the bars and I know where I am. I am in a jail cell. Why am I and my loving boyfriend in jail? I don’t think too hard because I hear the voice again. I follow the voice right through the bars and to a tv a few feet away. This is the news. It looks serious. I need to focus on her voice.
“Three days ago the newly found serial killer known as “The Lover” was revealed to be Laiden Ramsey. Ramsey confessed to the murder of sixteen women and three men. All of which were drained of blood, and completely ripped apart. Their skin removed, tendons carefully dissected from the meat, bones crushed, and limbs and bead amputated. It has been a horrific and tragic case.” The news anchor said. Blurred pictures showed on screen and a petty remembrance collage of the dead flashed on screen for a few seconds..they continued.
“Laiden Ramsey was found in the act of murdering his girlfriend, Mabel Rhuby. She died in the ambulance. Interestingly, the last victim’s blood was found in Mabel’s mouth and stomach. The coroner on this case has stated that it is most likely that Mabel has Renfield’s syndrome.”
“The police questioned Ramsey and he said the following: {I love her. I love her so much. I would do anything for her. I love her. I’m so sorry for Mabel. The only regret I have is hurting her. She loved me so much.} He hasn’t said anything but {I’m sorry Mabel please forgive me} since he was put in prison.”
“Investigations have found that Mabel was off of her Antisocial personality disorder, or sociopathy medicine and was deep into a sociopathic episode. In her personal diaries she had refered to the victims as mannequins. She preferred females to males because the males, quote {tasted weird}. The trial is ongoing but is expecting to be quick to ending due to the guilty plea.”
And in those minutes I felt colder than I had before. The ache in my chest becomes a burning feeling and I remember everything. I was a monster. My boyfriend was a monster. He was in jail. I was dead. Oh god have mercy..
I looked behind me. I had floated through the bars. I hadn’t been laying down on a bed beside him. I had been floating. Even now my feet don’t touch the floor. I walk to him and stand beside him. I feel heavy around him. My brain feels foggy around him, but I remember now. I pull him off the bed and he is frightened. His eyes open and I know he sees me. He screams. I wrap my hands together in a fist and pound on his chest, although there seems to be no damage to him, he shrieks like there is.
Guards come and drag him away. There is only one thing left for me to do. I have to find my body. I have to leave one final note. So follow my boyfriend.
I follow right beside him. He is never alone, and I am just out of sight. Eventually court comes and I follow the coroner. He leads me from the courthouse to the morgue and I find my old cell. My body is cut up and sewn together. Unlike my victims..Unlike my victims my skin is in one piece, my organs all there. I lay on the table and fall through the skin. This feels like second nature.
I feel alive again, yet oddly dead. I move my fingers and toes and I wake myself up like I’m waking up from sleep paralysis. This body is so heavy, but I manage to find and use a pen. I write down my story, and my thoughts. I write down my apologies and my pleas for forgiveness. I write this. My true final words, my story. The pen falls from my decomposing fingers and I am forced from my own body.
She, the one on the floor dead, and I, the one who is still alive, are so different. Yet when I used her flesh it seemed to awaken something..
Although I’m in a ghostly form,
I am
So
So
Thirsty