Have you ever asked yourself what it would be like to be deemed insane? Have you ever wondered what it’s like to live inside of an asylum or whether these patients are truly as bad as society makes them look like? Would you like to know more about an aggressive young lady living with delusions and a fear of everything you can think about? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, you should definitely read this interview with Meridith, a patient at one of America’s most secured psychiatric hospitals. Conducting the interview is Lila Black.
[The two women greet eachother calmly.]
Lila: Can you tell me about why you’ve been admitted to this hospital, and when this happened?
Meridith: I can. When I was 14 years old, so about 9 years ago, I refused to drink the water we had at home. I didn’t drink any of the bottled water, even though it was from my favourite brand and my mom had worked really hard to pay for them, nor did I drink from the faucet. I became weak and dehydrated, but I wouldn’t drink because inside of the water were colourful beams of light, worm-like creatures telling me to stop drinking. My mother forcefully held me down every hour to pour water inside of my throat. Even though i spat out most of it, I didn’t die because I got that tiny bit of water everyday and I still ate. I stopped eating after a week because maggots were crawling out of everything I was planning to eat. I got a feeding tube installed and the doctors said I had an eating disorder. I knew I didn’t. Eating disorders don’t make worms talk and they certainly don’t make maggots crawl on me whenever I touch solid food.
Lila: You still have that feeding tube, so I’m wondering wether this is still an ongoing element? You said nine years ago - what happened in those nine years?
Meridith: Still ongoing. I sometimes think everything I touch becomes rotten to the core. I was sent to a mental hospital for the first time in my life at just 14. I started seeing maggots come out of the drains and inside of my toilet. I was scared, but the staff didn’t believe me. I think there was something trying to scare me out of that place with the maggots. On the other hand there was also something, or somebody, that didnt want me to leave that place. Maggots started to appear inside of my throat and I’d cough them up in my toilet. The doctors said I developed Bulimia but they just hadn’t seen them. I stayed at that place until I was 18. I think my mom didn’t want to care for me anymore.
Lila: That must’ve been very hard. When these maggots, or worms, talk to you, what do they say?
Meridith: They tell me I should stay pure for the God above. They tell me I’m to carry his second son when I deny myself bad food. There are good foods and drinks. I eat bread and drink wine. I eat Jesus.
Lila, nodding: So this is all religious? Does God himself talk to you sometimes?
Meridith: No. I am unworthy of God. God has left you. I will carry God’s children. I can feel him inside of me, the rebirth of Jesus. He rips open my stomach slowly. He breaks my ribs and he’s mine. He’s mine, Lila!
Lila: Do the nurses believe you, when you tell them you’re pregnant?
Meridith: No, of course not. They think I’m insane. I’m violent to them when they try to inject something in me or come near me. I don’t take the pills I need to calm down. They will kill God’s son.
Lila: Do you ever feel like maybe this isn’t God’s son? Maybe you’re dying, Meridith. I mean, come on, now.
[Lila chuckles]
Meridith: Are you accusing me of carrying Satan’s child? Why would Satan like me? Why would the maggots lie? You’re crazy! You have a lot of nerves!
Lila: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. Have you ever thought about getting a priest involved? It seems to me you could learn a lot from a professional’s view.
Meridith: No. Priests are warm. You’re cold - you don’t believe in God. You feel good, but everyone who believes in God makes me feel like I’m burning in hell.
[Lila nods]
Lila: Let’s talk about something easier, now. What’s your relationship with your mom like, after nine years?
Meridith: God told me to kill her.
[Lila looks at the camera in an uneasy manner]
Lila: So you killed her?
Meridith: So I killed her. I threw her in the fireplace because she was cold, too. She didn’t believe in God. In order to reach heaven you bust burn in this life. She burned.
Lila: Is that why you’re here, then?
Meridith: No. They don’t want me to give birth. They’re lukewarm and evil. They’re like Satan.
Lila: Okay. Have you ever thought that maybe this hot and cold feeling you have is like, a supernatural power of whether to tell people will go to hell or not?
Meridith: That doesn’t make sense. Why are the non-believers cold and the believers hot? The son of Satan isn’t inside of me. I would know. The maggots tell me.
Lila: Right, the maggots. Is your mom the only person you’ve ever killed?
Meridith: Yes. I’ve killed a lot of animals for God. She isn’t the only person I have burned. I burn a lot of people. They burn. Almost everyone burns. You’re okay. You’re cold. You’ll burn, but you’re okay now. Are you happy with going to hell?
Lila: I’m afraid I don’t quite believe in the concept of heaven and hell.
Meridith: That’s easy. You’re escaping Him. He’ll let you burn. I’ll have you burn. I promise I’ll dig up your dead grave and burn you.
Lila: Thank you. I’ll be going.
[Lila hastily gets out]
On the way home from this interview, Lila lost control of her vehicle and crashed into a tree, burning to death. Meridith has given birth to a healthy son and is living with her aunt and uncle. They report unusual things happening in the presence of this baby. Ex: Falling off a ladder, burning yourself and getting the urge to harm oneself. The baby speaks at a very young age. It speaks Latin, even though Meridith is American. Meridith has since then been a bystander in many accidents resulting in injury or death, always seen holding her son, Lucifer.