It first started when I was waiting for a train, a Pidgeon flew down and landed on the train platform to the right of me, I blinked, the bird disappeared into thin air just for it to land again, I blinked and once again the bird disappeared and landed to the right of me, in shock of what I had just seen I recoiled and sprung up onto my feet, I blinked, I was sitting down again, the bird landed, I sprung up onto my feet and ran thinking this was the doing of the bird, I blinked, this went on for quite a while, each time I dreaded seeing the bird again, and each time it flew directly at me only changing its course a second before it flew into me, I blinked, until I didn’t the bird landed again, I did not blink, I looked at the bird it looked back at me and once again flapped its wings to fly away, I flinched.
Once I realized that it was not the bird that was forcing me to travel back in time and that it was in fact me blinking, I started, blinking one eye at a time, I left the train station, BLINK, I waited for and got on the train, BLINK, I tried asking for help only to end up getting strange looks, BLINK, no matter what I did, no matter where I went each time that I blinked, I was once again sitting on that bench. The Pidgeon landed on the train platform for a few seconds and took off again.
after what seemed to have been a week I gave up, there was only one more possible solution to my problem, as I heard the train approach I leapt onto the tracks only to close my eyes right before the impact, I was back on the bench, my eyes did not feel heavy anymore the tears had disappeared, the bird landed on the platform, I ran, I ran from the station, but again no matter how far I got I blinked and was transported back to the bench, I tried jumping on the tracks over and over again, I laid my head down on the tracks themself hoping that the wheels of the train would crush my head before I had the chance to blink but once again no matter what I did I still ended up on that bench, that fucking bench, it’s dark green paint almost seemed to have burnt my retinas from their mundanity, the texture of the wood it was made out of seemed to have slid through my clothes and embedded itself into my skin.
I am typing this as a final message, as I have done many times before, and just like those other messages, I am hoping that what I’m about to do works. After I post this message, I will return to the train platform where this all started, I will cut my eyelids off, and I will once again jump down onto the train tracks. If any of my family members are reading this, I’m sorry that I had to do this, but I don’t think there is another way out. Even if I try to keep living while blinking one eye at a time, I won’t make it far without sleep. Please do not change your lives because of my death, and live like you would have when I was alive. I do not want you to ruin your lives because of my death and live like you would have when I was alive. I do not want you to ruin your lives over what I am about to do.
I’m sorry.