back in middle school, specifically the sixth grade i had a close group of friends. i was especially close with two of the girls from my friend group, jess and erica. i was suicidal at the time, but those two girls made me feel safe when opening up to them about my depression and past attempts. little did i know lol.
i vented a lot to erica, because she seemed to understand what i was going through and would “comfort” me when i needed it. erica was never the nicest girl, she’d regularly ridicule the other students at school and even got in trouble for telling one student to “k!ll themselves”, but she told me she meant it as a joke. i always shrugged these warning signs off, mostly because i was twelve lmao and she was generally a quiet kid who got picked on herself.
one day, erica told me all the girls in the popular clique added her to a group chat on accident, but before leaving the chat she decided to read the texts in it. she claimed all the girls in the chat were shit talking the girls in our grade, and how i was one of them. erica told me they all thought i was weird and annoying and ugly, and how a majority of the shit talking was about me. i was appalled, i couldn’t believe everyone hated me as much as i hated myself at the time. it didn’t stop there. later erica told me how everyone else in our friend group thought i should just “do it already,” and how she’d always have my back if i needed her. she also told the whole school i was the one behind a fake account created on instagram made to bully the other students. now that i think about it, it was probably her behind that anonymous account.
by this time i was so depressed and lonely, i made another attempt to end my life. obviously it failed, so i texted erica for comfort. she asked me if it had to do with what the other girls at school were saying about me, and when i said yes she “felt so bad. by the start of seventh grade, my friend group and erica drifted completely from me.
fast forward about six years later, i just graduated high school a few weeks ago. i reconnected with the other girl in the group who i was close with, jess, at graduation. while we were chatting about life, i asked her if she still talked to erica. jess and erica were best friends back in sixth grade, so i figured they kept in contact. you wouldn’t believe how surprised i was when jess’ eyes widened and told me “no, you should stay away from her.” i was confused and when i asked her why, she told me everything.
jess told me that erica schemed to get me to end my life by lying to me about rumors about me. when i asked her how she knew this she claimed she knew the entire time. jess apologized profusely and told me she was scared of erica and that’s why she didn’t tell me sooner. i felt betrayed, even by jess. jess then went on to tell me more disturbing stories about erica when she still used to talk to her.
i cant believe her plan almost worked, i also cant believe she was only twelve and behaving this way. i would ask what is wrong with her, but at the end of the day i just hope she got the help she needs. just remember to be careful about who you trust. i’m proud to say i’m a much happier and healthier person now :) just disturbed by this news.