I don’t know why, but my wife has been kind of angry sometimes lately. I remember this afternoon when I was sitting on the sofa watching TV as our son played with his toy cars on the floor. He lifted his head and asked a kind of weird question.
“Dad?” he said. “Yes?” I answered. “How do we know if someone is real?”
His question sent chills down my spine, though I didn’t know why.
“Well, it depends on how you mean. How do we know if someone is real as in if he exists, or if someone is real, as in a real friend, or in real as in you can trust him.” “I meant how do you know if someone exists?”
For some reason, I got even more chills down my spine and remained quiet for a kind of long time before managing to open up.
“We exist of atoms, and the atoms build up a kind of body for the hosts, aka the atoms. I don’t really know how to explain to someone as young as you.”
He looked at me for a long time and then opened up, saying, “How do I know if I’m real?”
I looked at him with a confused look.
“Well, you can feel things, see things, hear things, and do things, which means that something must exist. Take the example of that vase over there.”
I pointed towards a vase in the window.
“If you would grab that vase and put it down on the floor, then the vase moved. Which means that something must exist that intentionally picks up the vase and puts it down somewhere else. Do you understand?”
He nodded, and I smiled, ruffled his hair, and went up to set on the shower because we always took a shower when my wife comes home. At 9 pm, she stormed in, and wow, what an attitude she had been in. You could see the anger around her, as if the air made it visible.
“Rough day?” I asked. “Wow. You don’t even know,” she answered. “What went wrong?” I asked. “Well, first off, my damn students won’t listen to me. They storm around and shout wildly. I had enough and screamed to shut up and sit the fuck down, which made the principal angry. He gave me a warning, and if it happened again, he wouldn’t have any other choice than to fire me.”
I looked at her, my eyes in shock.
“Wow. You have been going through a lot.” “Yeah. It’s just good to come home and see you again,” she answered.
I led her up to the shower, but before we could take off any clothes, I remembered our son, Charlie. He would always join us, so I said, “Oh damn! I forgot Charlie! I’ll be right back!”
I saw how my wife’s eyes widened, and she got super frustrated. She screamed, “Ah, you’re so incredible! Do you know that? You really have to destroy every moment!”
She quickly and with angry steps went out of the shower into our bedroom. I was in shock. I didn’t know what was happening with my wife. She just started getting weirder and weirder every day. I went down to Charlie and said that it’s bedtime. He came running up to me, and I lifted him up to his bed. He lay down and fell asleep almost directly.
The next morning I had made breakfast for the family. My wife came down in bad shape. She hadn’t slept anything during the night. It was kind of clear. She sat down at her table with cornflakes and started eating the bacon and eggs I had made too.
“You seem to like it,” I said. “Yeah. You always make good food,” she answered. “CHARLIE! BREAKFAST!” I shouted up to his bedroom.
I saw how my wife’s eyes started going down into an angry shape. She stormed out of the house and took the car and drove to her job. I, again, got really confused, but I tried to ignore it. Charlie finally came down and started eating.
“Wow, have you noticed that your mom has acted really strange lately?” I asked him. “What do you mean?” he answered. “Well, she has been really frustrated and angry all the time. She is in the mood, and then just a moment later she storms away angrier than ever.”
“She has a very good reason for the mood,” my son answered.
“Does she? And what is that reason?” I asked. His answer was weird and made me also question him. He answered, “You’ll soon get to know.”
He went to his shoes and jacket and told me that he’s going to school. During the day, I just sat and wondered about my wife and son’s weird mood and acting way. But the time had come when it was time to pick up my son. So I drove to school and got in. I asked the teacher to go and get Charlie. She looked at me with a weird face appearance and sighed. She then just walked away.
“Wow. What’s wrong with everyone?” I thought to myself.
I went into a room where Charlie played and told him it was time to go. He nodded. When we drove home, he just wouldn’t stop staring at me in a weird way. I asked, “What’s wrong?” And he just said, “Can you take me to my room? I’m tired.”
So I did. I carried him up, put on his night clothes, and laid him in his bed. Just before I could go out of his room, he looked at me and said, “Dad.” “Yes?” I answered. “You have to let me go.” “What? What do you mean?” I asked. “You have to let go of me. I can’t do this.”
My wife came into the room, kissed my cheek, and whispered into my ear, “Please, Sam. I really miss him too. But you can’t keep on imagining that he still is alive. It’s getting out of control.”
I got confused.
“Excuse me? What are you talking about? Our son is right ther…” I stopped myself before I could finish my sentence. I now remember everything.
A week ago, I had been home alone with my son, and he asked if he could go outside and play. I said that it was okay but that he had to be careful. I would have followed him out, but I was just going to get a glass of water. I heard a large bang outside. I ran out to see what happened, and what I saw scared me for life.
My son lay on the road, lifeless, his body distorted in weird formations. I had killed him because of the fact that I wasn’t there. It means that I killed him. I killed my own son.
That comes up for me now as I sit before my son’s bed, and my wife behind me. I now know exactly what had been the problem with everyone. The problem everyone had was me.