I think most married women with a toxic relationship with their husband/wife would say this, but my wife is actually different from what she was when I married her.
I (26F) married my wife (27F) about 6-7 years ago. She was perfect, I mean it. She would help me through everything. We both liked physical contact but also quality time, so we would show our love in the similar ways. Back in high-school I would be bullied and teased for being bisexual. Nowadays I think people are more accepting, but I only had a few that actually accepted me. One of them was my wife. We would always hangout and do some stupid shit like go out into the forest and get lost or prank some guy who we happened to call one day. Eventually it turned into a relationship.
She would cook actual meals, while I would make simple baked cookies or cupcakes. I would clean and she would help. We liked the same music, and movies, and books, and games.. Like everything.
I think I keep talking about how perfect she was and how we got together because she just isn’t like that anymore.
It started a year ago, so it’s hard to remember. she was on her phone scrolling through tiktok. I was cooking some eggs for us both that morning. I asked her, “Hey, do you want it scrambled or…” and she didn’t respond. I didn’t think it was unusual because she was focused on her phone and I usually zone out on my phone too.
I walked over to her and asked her, “Hey, did you hear me? Whatchya watching?”. She looked up at me smiling, she answered with a simple “tiktok“. I was weirded out a bit but I didn’t care. She eventually went with sunny side up for her egg, I think. As we were eating, she mentioned something about going on vacation. I smiled, “Where? We can always take a week off of work.” and she didn’t answer. She kept her head down and I remember being a bit concerned. It was quiet for a few minutes until she sprung up and told me she wanted to go to the Philippines. I stayed quiet for whole minute until I smiled and said okay.
I remember her smiling cutely. I covered my mouth and blushed, I was still completely in-love with her. For the rest of the month of preparing for the trip, I remembered that smile. I bought us tickets, new clothes, and then saved up the rest of the money so I could buy her any souvenirs she wanted. Then the day of the trip came and woke up early and woke her up. I went to our room after turning on the car to check on her. She wasn’t there. So I knocked on the bathroom door and asked if she was in there. She was.
I patiently waited for her, we only had half and hour left and I was sure we were gonna miss our flight at that point. I started tearing up and panicking but I told her to hurry up in the most calm way possible. She came out and frowned at me, I cock my eyebrow and asked her why the f*ck she wasn’t ready for the vacation she wanted. I remember being extremely upset, and I snapped at her words, “I don’t wanna go.” I scoffed, “You’re joking” She rolled her eyes and looked angry at ME at that point.
”Did you just roll your eyes? I’m the one who spent all this money on this trip!? Do you know how much I prepared for this trip for YOU? Get in the f*cking car I don’t give a sh*t if you’re not ready.”
I wasn’t prepared to give up this trip, i spent atleast a thousand or more on this trip and just because she “didn’t wanna go” was not an excuse for me. I knew that I was being irrational and I hadn’t got angry at her ever in this relationship. I was worried for me and her when i calmed down and when we got to the airport we had 5 minutes before the flight.
I apologized and she frowned. The vacation was normal and we eventually both forgot about this moment.
It wasn’t anything to worry about then.
A few months ago, I had this reoccurring dream of her. For a while I couldn’t remember it, I just knew i kept having it. I would wake up in a cold sweat and look at her, and know she was there all cozy and comfortable and go back to sleep.
One day i suddenly woke up, but I remembered the dream, so vividly. In the dream, she would run around me like a little kid. I would smile and laugh and then I would see her fall down with tears and her eyes would turn red and pale. She would vomit blood and then i would wake up. I checked on her, then the image of her eyes started making me panic. I turned her over and saw her pale body. My anxiety spiked and shook her crying. She looked at me with her eyes. Her beautiful green eyes and I calmed down and broke down. I told her the dream and hugged her.
She didn’t try to reassure me and say she was okay, she just looked at me and told me in a soft voice, “You saw what you weren’t meant to see” and I remembered being to tired and all my adrenaline had came and gone to fast so I just laid down and cried a bit more before sleeping.
When i woke up, i saw a pile of blood on the side of the bed she always slept on. Naturally i assumed it was the time of the month for her and she just bled through. Then i wiped my eyes and focused on how much blood it was. it was the size of a fat cat laying down. I start to panic and hyperventilate, i get up and look for my wife. I dial the police just in case, but i didn’t call them. I saw her on the floor, on all fours.. all her limbs were crooked and I shrieked and i had one last gasp of air before falling onto the floor and covering my mouth. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and pounced at me. I jumped back and got up running.
I can’t remember a lot of this. I just know i ended up in our bathroom looking at the mirror while locking the door. All i heard from outside the door other then the banging was her sweet voice distorting into “i love you”. I had already called the police and i couldnt get words out. All i said was, “help me, my wife…”
Then all noises had stopped. All I heard this dripping of a liquid, which i guessed was blood.
and then a knock from the front door. Luckily we had a window in our bathroom so i opened it and yelled, “Over here!” Because i knew damn well i wasn’t going out that door.
The police came into my house and escorted me out. The walls were covered in blood and i realized the bathroom was to, so i looked down and my legs had been slashed open. Then this immense pain just started and i collapsed. I was sent to the hospital.
My parents had disowned me, my whole family actually. So i had nobody. Not one person i thought even cared came either. Once i recovered i got my stuff from the house and left. I left the country to go to Europe. I decided to go to the UK since that’s the only place i could think of at that moment.
I went through a mental crisis, everything reminded me of her sweet kind presence. I wondered how i could’ve saved her. After about half a year since it happened I decided to go online and searched up what it could’ve been. I started talking to this person and they told me, “The Niro Virus”. I searched it up and it was really similar to what happened. This Virus starts and you’re supposed to stay close to home. It’ll have a small voice in your head that tells you to go out of the country to this certain place and tricks you into thinking that its a sign that something good will happen when in reality once you go there the virus starts slowly to have complete control over your body. The reason for it trying to get you to get out of the country is so the person is in a complete different environment. Their body will have to take time to get used to it, and the virus takes advantage of it. The place it chooses is where the virus’ “home” is. Some people are able to escape this train of thought and even when the trip is in a day they realize the voice is a trick and try to stop going to this trip the best they can.
For a bit, i couldnt think of any moment where we went out of the country then the philippines trip came into mind. I was the one who done that to her, I made her go on that trip. Why didn’t she tell me? i would’ve understood. Maybe the way i lashed out scared her. She suffered because of me.
it’s been about a year since it happened.
I feel sorry.