You open your eyes. 6am again. She is still sleeping peacefully beside you. You close your eyes, and imagine sleep. You drift off into nothingness, mind and body melting into a dream-like state.
What comes next?
You go back to sleep.
You dream about that thing you don’t want to think about.
You flail for hours.
You fall into the thoughts of that thing you did back in middle school.
Your heart rate starts to rise.
You wonder if your heartbeat always felt like this.
Has it always been this hard to control my breath?
You feel your heart rate plummet.
You can’t control it. It’s getting out of reach. This is sinking too fast.
Cardiac Arrest.
Death.
No, that’s not right.
You flail for hours, gaining no rest.
No, that’s not right. Focus.
You go back to sleep.
No, you are much too awake now.
You wake up.
You find your phone.
You turn on the screen, stirring her awake.
No.
You hold your phone in the darkness, wondering if the light at the end of the room had always had that tint to it.
You decide to stand up and walk to the stairs.
You trip on the dog toy in the middle of the floor in the dark.
Your head hits the corner of the dresser.
Dead. Instantly.
She wakes up, finds me.
No.
Note to self, avoid the toy.
You wonder why you never picked up that toy.
You didn’t need to die here. That was stupid.
Note to self, pick up the toy.
You stand up and walk to the stairs.
You grab your clothes, in the dark.
You grab a shirt in the dark you don’t want, checking it in the darkness with the dim light of your phone’s screen.
And another.
And another.
You turn on your phone flash light in the closet and pick out a shirt that you like.
You turn to the stairs with your phone as your flashlight.
You trip on the dog toy in the middle of the floor.
Idiot.
You pick up the dog toy in the middle of the floor.
The beam of light is broken as you turn around by something.
You think you see a figure move into the safety of the shadows.
No.
You think you see a figure move into the safety of the shadows.
No.
You think you see a figure move into the safety of the shadows.
NO.
The beam of light shines down the stairs.
You walk down the stairs and open the door and step through the doorway.
You open your eyes, still in the warmth of your bed. Still 6am, she is still sleeping peacefully next to you.
You close your eyes, and imagine sleep. You drift off into nothingness, mind and body melting into a dream-like state. You allow a wandering thought to pass, and wonder if you will ever truly be able to sleep again. As you let your mind trail off with conflicting thoughts, you feel the edge of consciousness within grasp.
The bedroom door opens.
What comes next?
That’s not right.