I’m going to die. I haven’t realized till now. And I don’t know what to do to stop it.
It all started when I was young, very young. As far back as I can remember I had always seen this woman other than my mother. I remember her standing through the doorway, watching as I was in my crib. She never spoke, just watched me silently. When I would wake up in the morning she would be gone.
As I got older and started to speak, she appeared less but I would occasionally see her walking past the doorway. Sometimes she would pace through the halls, my night light forming her shadow as she walked and watched.
I never questioned it until one day. I saw no need to since she had always been there since I was a baby. I was sitting at the kitchen island up on the bar stool as my mom spread peanut butter on the white bread she had recently got from the shopping trip a few days ago. Then, I saw her in the corner of my eye. I turned to look but she was gone. That’s when I decided to ask, after all it was out of the ordinary for her to ever travel outside of the hallway, much less so in the daytime.
“Mommy, why does that woman watch me?” I asked. My mom frowned and asked what I had meant.
“The woman that watches me sleep. She paces the hallway sometimes, too” I replied. My mother froze up.
“Honey, why don’t you sleep with us tonight?”
“Okay mommy!” I never questioned her, I always loved sleeping in “mommy’s” bed. I never even questioned it when I lied down that night, curling up to my mother as she said to my dad “Honey, she’s watching.”
I fell asleep shortly after. That memory implanted in my brain for quite a long time. I had forgotten about it till now. I never asked about her again, I had slept in my mom and dads bed for years until my mom exclaimed
“Oh honey! You’re starting to get too big for mom and dad’s bed!”
“It’s true! I would know, you kick me in the night!” My dad jokingly said as he started tickling me.
Ever since I went back to my own bed I felt a familiar feeling. I did not sleep with my door open anymore and had forgotten about “her” Until one night when I was around 12, I was tossing and turning that night. My melatonin my mother gave me earlier wasn’t working quite yet and I just could not get comfortable.
That’s when it happened. My door creaked and I froze. I felt paralyzed as it opened wider. I suddenly remembered why I had been sleeping in my mom and dad’s room. It all came flooding back. The memories of her pacing and watching and pacing and watching.
However, she did not once until that night ever enter my room. I couldn’t blink. I felt my breath stagger as I felt a sharp pain in my chest. My shoulder tensed up as “she” put her cold cracked hand on my shoulder.
Then, she spoke. Her voice was as soft as a hot knife cutting through butter. I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you so much. You’ve grown so much. But there was something… Off about her. Her breath staggered and I swear her dry skin had flaked off and dropped onto my body as she spoke.
Ever since that night she would come by my room as I would pretend to be asleep and she would talk to me. I feared of telling my parents. What would they think? I don’t want my burden to become theirs, that night I heard them talking… My mother sounded worried. I needed to pretend to be safe.
Those messages lasted for years. I kept to myself but only recently has she started following me around. I pretend to not see her. I don’t want her. I just hope she will go away. I was wrong.
I am 34 now. I have a husband and 1 gorgeous little girl who I’ve named Jennie. My Jennie… From such a young age she was so bright. She was a little problem solver, always challenging my reasons of why we couldn’t do what she wanted, trying to find loopholes.
She got along well with her classmates and did very well in school. One night, I was in the kitchen making a peanut butter jelly sandwich for her when Jennie asked
“Momma, who’s that woman?”
I froze. I froze like I did on that first night “she” came to me. I was terrified. I thought it was only me. I knew the woman no longer watched me only came in to say good night. And then would leave. I tried gathering my thoughts and forced out whatever I could think of.
“Why don’t you… Sleep with Mommy.”
I did what my own very mother had done. I convinced my husband to let her sleep with us. Though, he complained over her being to old to need to sleep in our bed, I insisted. That, was the end.
My husband and my beautiful daughter where already asleep that night, passed out after having a late movie night and watching dory, Jennie’s favorite movie. That night, I could not sleep. I feared for my child. I tossed and turned. Then, she came.
She sounded calm. I soon learned that was a trick. Her tone twisted and turned.
“She told you. She told you. She told you. She told you. Why do you take her away from me, dear?”
I was unsettled. No, that’s to light. I was petrified. I couldn’t move. I felt that familiar feeling of the tightness in my chest. Every night, she visited. I got less and less sleep. Her comments over time slowly started getting more aggressive and threatening.
“I’m going to peel off every layer of your skin.”
Some nights, she would cry and beg.
“Please, please… “ she weeped. She’d wail.
Until last night.
“I’m going to kill you.”
Her other comments where unsettling. But this sent chills down my spine. She threatened to do horrible things, but not once did she flat out say that she was going to kill me.
She screamed through the night. I never told anyone about this. I suppose only I could hear her, because my child still lay tucked in between me and my husband, not moving an inch.
Last night was the first night I couldn’t sleep a wink. I went through hours of her blood-curdling screams and pleads and threats. But in the morning, she was gone.
I got up as early as she dissapearwd and made myself some coffee in a hurry. I wrote a not to my a husband saying that I would be back and to make our precious Jennie some of the leftovers from the fridge.
I grabbed my keys and raced out still in my pyjamas after throwing on a bathrobe. I know what I needed to do. I went to my mom. I drove 3 hours. I will admit, I sped.
When I got there I knocked on the door. No answer. I knocked again. No answer.
I pounded against the door and finally my mother opened the door. I hugged her. I squeezed her so hard until I thought I was going to practically squeeze her head off.
“You’re so excited to see me! Maybe I should stop calling you so you can miss me even more, this is nice! “ she chuckled. Then she invited me inside.
She offered me tea and I sat down in the living room. Ahh, I finally felt safe. She brought me my tea and sat down.
“What brings you here honey?” She asked.
“Nothing really I just needed to see you, get a little break from the kid.” I lied.
“You could’ve called me! The house is all messy I would’ve shaped it up if I knew you where coming!”
That’s when my dad walked out. He sat down next to me and greeted my, ruffling my hair as he spoke.
“What’s up kiddo? Nice surprise to see you here!” He smiled, not just a smile, but an unnaturally big one. His mouth seemed to curl at the ends almost into a cheeky grin.
“Nothing much….” I trailed off. Something felt off. I felt alarmed.
“I’m going to use your restroom… “ I said.
“Alright honey, you know where it is, just down the hallway to your left.”
“Thank you.” I replied.
I walked to the bathroom in a panic, trying not to seem to suspicious. Maybe I was overreacting I thought. But I couldn’t shake the feeling. That’s when I saw her. In the mirror.
“I am everywhere.” She whispered.